As a new couple seeking to go into a long-term relationship, one of the first pieces of advice you would get is to look out for signs you are compatible with your partner.
The idea of ironing out this essential detail is to ensure that you both are treading the right path, to ascertain and remove any doubt over the future of the relationship, and to guarantee a union devoid of the numerous hassles many couples face today.
When you just start dating someone, it might be tempting to conclude that you have found the one who completes you.
Perhaps you both like the same food, have similar music playlists, and share an obvious bond when you hang out together, but these types of shared interests are not enough to conclude that what you’ve got is a perfect relationship.
In reality, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. No matter how hard you try to ensure your relationship runs smoothly, little – sometimes huge – bickers will still rise up.
Even the most lovely couple you see on the streets have arguments occasionally. What matters is the frequency of these arguments, the manner with which you and your partner resolve them, and the after effects they have on your relationship.
These factors when summed up will either reveal signs you are not compatible with your partner or provide evidence that you are probably just going through a momentary rough patch.
What we all want is to find our perfect match, someone we would happily live with forever, but what if the both of you are way different in many ways than one? How do you determine whether you are compatible with your partner or not?
What Is Compatibility In A Relationship?
The first thing to understand about compatibility is that it is not only about having similar interests. This is one mistake many people make – assuming that compatible couples simply have to have the same interests.
Compatibility is about sharing the same values, having the same mindsets, having knowledge of how to put out the fire of a conflict, being a source of support for each other’s dreams, and planning an inclusive future together.
If you and your partner can tick all these boxes, then you are perfectly compatible. However, it is hard to find couples who share a match in every area; that is, couples that see perfectly compatible with each other.
This means you might get to experience occasional fights or outbursts in your relationship. This should not be a bother to you though. What should bother you is the kind of issues that result in your disagreements.
There are logical arguments, as well as irrational disagreements that are totally unnecessary and unreasonable.
If your relationship experiences more of the latter, if you always have this niggling feeling that you are not getting value for your worth, if you constantly harbor thoughts that you might have made a wrong decision with your choice of partner, if it is obvious that you are way more invested in the relationship than your significant other is, then you just might need to watch out for this relationship compatibility list below that shows you some signs you are not compatible with your partner.
1. Your Idea Of An Ideal Future Differ Widely
One of the signs you are not compatible with your partner which you must watch out for is the extent to which you and your spouse agree or differ in terms of your future plans.
If your partner wants a quiet, rural life with less noise and more neighborliness and you want busy, bustling city life, you may encounter bumps down the line.
If you want something less serious and your partner wants marriage, then you both might just be wasting your precious time.
If you want marriage, but do not want kids and your partner wants a house filled with children, your relationship might be over even before getting started.
If you and your partner want to have a happy, fruitful life together, you must both seek clarity and reach a common ground with regards to several decisions that have to do with your future.
You must agree on what your relationship is about and what you expect it to lead to. If you are both hinged on marriage, you must decide if you want children and the number of children you would have.
You must also settle other details like the environment you both intend to settle in, the types of jobs you would keep, the kinds of pets you would have, and whether there will be family trips and vacations down the line.
Some people make the mistake of putting important discussions like this for later, but it is necessary to have the talk to determine where your relationship is really headed.
When it is obvious couples share varying perspectives and worldviews, they must try to find a middle ground that suits both parties.
Compromises might be needed and if you both love yourselves, you would gladly make the necessary sacrifices. But if both parties cannot find a middle ground, then this must be taken as part of the signs you are not compatible with your partner.
2. Arguments Have Become Commonplace In The Affair
There is no way couples can avoid arguments during their relationship journey. You are both going to disagree from time to time, it’s fine.
Arguments are meant to show areas of disparity where couples must find a working formula. This implies that they can be considered healthy as they help – or rather, ought to help – strengthen the communication flow in a relationship.
However, it becomes unhealthy when you and your partner are always engaged in trivial arguments. It gets worse when you can’t seem to ever arrive at a mutual decision.
Some arguments even turn ugly to include emotional and physical abuse. At this point, you have to make concrete decisions regarding your role in the relationship as this is a particularly significant member of the obvious signs you are not compatible with your partner.
You might decide to put more effort to make the relationship work. Perhaps, involve friends and family members or seek couple therapy. But if there are no noticeable improvements, you might have to consider exiting the relationship.
3. You Are Both Helplessly Headstrong
A relationship can thrive if one of the parties is stubborn. But when the two parties are unyieldingly headstrong, it portends a bleak future.
A relationship should be accommodating, but this is way difficult if the two parties share contrasting personalities.
People who are helplessly stubborn display little objectivity or compassion. They try to be perfect, refusing to accept corrections when in the wrong.
They always want things to go their way and want people to adopt their point of view without asking questions. When locked in arguments, they will never accept defeat, sometimes going to extreme lengths to get their points across.
If you notice this trait is present in your relationship, then you don’t need further evidence to recognize it as one of the signs you are not compatible with your partner.
The both of you will hardly agree on common issues, just as you’d both claim to be the perfect partner always.
If you are still in the dating stage and realize you and your partner share stubborn personalities, it might be best to sever ties while you still can.
If you are already married before finding this out, then you can try to work your way through.
Start from little things like thinking before speaking. Be empathetic by placing yourself in your partner’s shoes to understand the reason behind some of their actions and attitudes.
Accept that you are going to make mistakes sometimes and be ready to make corrections when your partner points out your flaws.
4. Your Relationship Is Defined By Poor Communication
One of the important signs that you are not compatible with your partner is found in the flow of communication in the relationship.
As a couple, your partner is your best friend, gist buddy, lover, and companion, and you are expected to tell them everything that goes on in your life, or at least a significant part of the details.
However, when you don’t feel the zeal to talk to them when you have very little to say to them when you don’t trust them to sustain the vibe in the conversation when you text on the phone more than you talk physically, then you both might be having a communication challenge which points to clear incompatibility.
To reduce the alarm it seems I’m raising, communication breakdown is quite normal and expected in some relationships.
However, it must be temporal, probably due to a change in moods or situations. When it gets too much and uncontrollable, the effects could be dangerous to the health of your relationship.
If you feel you and your partner are in a temporal communication rut that you want to get out of, then put in the effort.
What you need to do is change or spice up your routine: try out new hobbies, find new interests, engage in challenging tasks together. When couples are engaged in a tiring routine, it gets boring and dry eventually and soon one or both parties stop looking forward to spending time together.
Remember, for effective communication to occur, both parties must prioritize spending a lot of time together. No matter how busy your schedule is, you will find a way to create time for the one you love. And if you can’t do this or are unwilling to, it is a sign that you are in the wrong relationship.
5. They Hardly Care About You Anymore
The signs you are not compatible with your partner is never complete if you do not put their level of care and concern into consideration.
Even if you both are going through a rough moment, someone who loves you won’t stay long without reaching out to you.
When you do things to please them, how do they react? Are they graciously thankful? Or do they act as if nothing special has happened? The energy you get from your partner will tell you if you are dating yourself or not.
6. Your Intellectual Capacities Differ
If you are a bookworm with several certificates and degrees and your partner is just a high school graduate, suffice it to mean that you might both encounter some challenges along the way.
Initially, you might think you can overlook some things and focus on what they have to offer and the fun they bring. But eventually, after the lovey-dovey period has cooled down, you might find yourself wanting more.
You might realize an increasingly growing frustration of the fact that they can’t match your intelligence. You could even be opposed to the thought of having them accompany you to public functions and informal engagements.
It should be noted that there are people who find a way to maintain a healthy relationship despite this imbalance. So find what works for you and stick with it.
However, if you notice most of your arguments are based on your varying intellectual capacities, you might need to evaluate your options.
7. You Have Lost The Love You Had At First
Another of the signs you are not compatible with your partner occurs when you both fall out of love. Perhaps your heart has stopped fluttering as it used to whenever you see your mate.
Perhaps life’s thorny paths have choked the love you have for your partner. Whichever it is, once the magic that defines your relationship disappears, it changes the ballgame entirely.
People sometimes decide to stay in unhappy marriages until it becomes unbearable. This is sad and shouldn’t happen.
Change is difficult, but it might be the only way to guarantee your personal happiness and satisfaction.
8. You No Longer Listen To Yourselves
Your relationship might have lost its spark such that you both do not listen to yourselves anymore. When couples do not share the same emotional connection, they lose mutual respect in the relationship.
Suddenly you are both talking at the same time, and even when one party stops talking, they also stop listening at the same time. At this point, you just might need to agree that you both are not meant to be.\
9. Your Partner Spends More Time With Friends
If you hold great interest in learning about the signs you are not compatible with your partner, then you must be ready to objectively analyze and judge your partner.
If they are putting more energy and time into other people including their friends, colleagues, or families instead of you, it is possible they have lost interest in the relationship.
You might be thinking: are we too different to make it work? But the truth is, life gets to a point where you have to accept clear truths even when they are painful and move on.
There must be an equal investment of time from both parties. If what you have in your relationship is something different, you might want to reconsider your situation.
10. You Don’t Trust Each Other
According to Ellen J. Barrier, trust is the foundation for a strong and successful relationship. Trust is so important that it possesses the capacity to make or break a relationship.
Trust begets loyalty and commitment. If parties in a relationship do not trust themselves, it will affect the fabric of their love. Soon the foundation of your relationship starts crumbling slowly until it collapses entirely.
A relationship built on mistrust will never thrive, neither will it be happy.
You are constantly monitoring your partner’s movements, checking his chats, scrutinizing her friends, listening in on their phone conversations, and withholding important information or giving dishonest answers to their questions. Actions like these are indicative of signs you are not compatible with your partner.
We Are Not Compatible But I Love Him
If after going through the above signs you are not compatible with your partner you realize that a large majority of the points discussed reflect your current relationship, don’t give up already if you still love your partner.
The most potent way to resolve conflicts is by carefully and respectfully talking about them. Compromises might need to be made – sacrifices too – but the love you both share will help you pull through.
Talk to each other and bare yourselves out in a way where both parties feel heard and understood.
If necessary, you might decide to involve an independent and objective couple therapist who can help you discover the root causes of your problems and proffer workable solutions.
And if after all these you still feel stuck, make a conclusive decision that places your mental health high on the list of priorities.
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