Relationships are rarely ever perfect. They can be tricky, and often come accompanied by challenges in varying forms.
In some relationships, especially ones where the parties involved did not spend enough bedding time getting to know each other properly, these challenges manifest within the first few months or years of dating or getting married.
In others, however, they may take a longer period to become obvious as they slowly build up, gathering momentum along the way.
If you are fortunate, you will notice the danger signs well before they become serious. They might manifest through peculiar red signals that are obvious and inexcusable, such as verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.
These are already enough grounds for ending things and moving on with your self-esteem and self-worth well in place.
They might also manifest through other signs that show or emphasize the fact that you and your partner are not a match made in heaven. Dramatic acts like yelling, crying, continuous complaints, and unstable emotions hardly inspire confidence or indicate a happy union.
And then there are the less obvious mistakes. The ones that appear little and harmless in plain sight but possess the ability to cause permanent strain and irreparably mar your relationship if left ignored or untreated.
Factors like pride, arrogance, complacency, and indifference are totally unhealthy in any relationship as they can easily drive partners apart and slowly diminish the fervor in a relationship.
A significant number of couples in long-term relationships set themselves up for epic failure by repeating the same awful habits consistently over time, even when aware of the sad outcomes of their actions.
Interestingly, some of these regular relationship mistakes, while deadly, are totally avoidable. If it seems like your relationship is not working as smoothly as you would like it to, you may be hitting some snags which with slight, proper adjustments you would be able to get past.
This piece articulately explores 10 deadly mistakes that have led to the death of several once vibrant relationships. If you realize you are guilty of one or several of these mistakes, don’t panic.
Every relationship is a journey that includes numerous obstacles and a lot of active learning and growing. So, recognize where you can make improvements and carefully strive to achieve this.
Here are some deadly mistakes capable of ruining your relationship which you must do well to avoid making.
1. Allowing Emotions Influence Your Reactions
Emotional people like to openly express their feelings, whether positive or negative, as soon as they feel them. This is quite rash, oftentimes leading to a lapse in concentration and terrible judgment.
When presented with a situation that is at best suspect, or of which you have little prior knowledge about, rather than jump to conclusions, take your time to assess the facts you have available before deciding on your next course of action.
When you are upset about something, telling your partner how you feel right away might seem like a really good thing, but most times you end up making assumptions and reacting to those assumptions.
By taking a step back, you can gather your emotions, process the situation better, and avoid a potential pitfall in your relationship.
If you let your emotions influence your reaction and eventually turn out on the wrong side of the balance, accepting your error and apologizing to your partner becomes necessary.
But for some people, this is an altogether difficult task due to pride and ego. To avoid unnecessary fights and lengthy quarrels, therefore, avoid allowing your emotions and hot-headedness to cloud your sense of reasoning when reacting to some unique situations.
2. Walking Away During An Argument
Walking away during an argument should not be confused with giving yourselves space. As emphasized in the first point, it is important to take a breather to calm down, get a clearer picture, or clear your head during an argument.
However, If you want to leave, instead of storming out and banging the door after you to emphasize your anger, ask your partner if you can take a few minutes to collect your thoughts.
Cutting the conversation off because you are done airing your grievances is totally unfair and makes the other partner feel cheated and insignificant.
In the long run, as you constantly walk away in the midst of an argument, you begin to increase the tempo.
If you used to simply walk out, the next time you would bang the door while walking out, and then eventually you would resort to smashing an item on your way out Don’t let yourself give in to that slippery slope. Focus on gnashing your teeth, swallowing your pride, lowering your ego, and finishing the discussion.
3. Hiding Your Hurt
Sometimes in your relationships, certain things might occur that would hurt you deeply and leave you disappointed.
These might be in form of issues or insults that appear so obvious that you can’t imagine your partner not realizing they did something wrong, and yet that would be the exact behavior they present.
In unique cases like this, the best action would be to discuss the problem with your partner to ascertain if they were unaware of how they made you feel.
However, some people would rather prefer to remain silent, nagging, and sulking about how their partners don’t seem to care that they are upset. When asked, “What’s wrong?” it is way easier and less painful to hide your hurt by saying “nothing.”
It’s a momentary relief, but the problem stays on. The result becomes nestled in you either staying angry and resentful, or moving on and sweeping the unresolved issue under the carpet which only helps it grow in weight and enormity for days, weeks, or months and then spring up later with even greater ugliness.
To avoid a scenario like this, resist the urge to hide your hurt when your partner asks if everything is alright. You might think you are trying to maintain peace in the relationship, but you are only worsening things.
4. Comparing Your Partner To An Ex
The human mind is naturally configured to look for patterns. When we experience situations that are similar to something from our past, we begin to make conscious comparisons and draw conclusions based on that experience.
This is how we grow, improve our lives, and learn, after all, it is commonly accepted that we learn from experiences.
When it comes to relationships, though, it becomes a different ballgame altogether and the logic of learning from experiences undergoes a shift that makes it actually detrimental to your relationship.
For example, if your ex spoke little to you when he/she was losing interest in the relationship, and suddenly your current partner reduces the amount of time they spend talking with you.
The likely conclusion would be that your current partner is no longer interested in you, whereas they might just be going through a tough period. Another example would be to compare the characteristics of your former and your current partner, trying to identify similarities and differences.
While seemingly harmless, behaviors like this are entirely wrong. Always resist your brain’s addiction to patterns, having it in mind that every person is uniquely made and situations are distinct.
This does not mean you shouldn’t learn from your past mistakes or set standards for yourself based on your previous experiences.
Rather, it means, you must keep an open mind and give your new partner a clean slate. Comparing someone you care deeply about to someone whom you’ve left behind in your past is incredibly hurtful and a deadly mistake you must avoid making in your relationship.
5. Keeping Grudges
Keeping bad blood which might sadly be entirely one-sided is another way to become bitter and stir your healthy relationship towards unstable waters.
Some people are fond of remembering every little hurt from the past, sometimes opening old wounds when they disagree with their partners. This is not right and can significantly drain the love out of your relationship.
Life and relationships as I would always say are long journeys. Keeping track of potholes you have encountered along the way will end up making you exhausted and resentful.
When your partner apologizes for something they have done and you forgive them, bury the issue deep and do not revisit them in future settings as this would indicate it was never resolved in the first place. You both aren’t perfect and will make several mistakes. Fully accept apologies, move on, and do more wonderful things together.
6. Threatening To Break Up
The only reason this particular point does not appear as number one is because I wanted to emphasize its importance by placing it at a point where you are probably deeply immersed in this piece.
Threatening your partner with a potential break up is a very dangerous mistake that places a dark, uneasy cloud over relationships long after a heated argument might have passed.
The most trying but fundamental part of a mature relationship is remaining committed even during the lowest of times.
Even if you make threats about breaking up when you’re frustrated and hurt, the mere realization that you have thoughts of abandoning your partner cruelly is selfish and cowardly.
Some partners may see this act as a power play that benefits them during an argument and make their partners grovel at their feet. Avoid playing this card comes with serious costs which you would end up regretting when emotions have cooled, and the coast has cleared.
7. Insisting On Changing Your Partner
I will hit the nail on its head here and go straight to the point: your partner is not going to change, even if you force him to. Many people generally confuse the concept of compromise with that of change.
Compromise involves two people mutually meeting in the middle to align their differences and move the relationship forward.
Change, on the other hand, involves asking another person to become someone they are not and adopt characteristics alien to them, which is not possible.
You definitely cannot change a person’s essence. This does not mean you have to love his or her annoying features, rather, it means you must accept the fact that you love the person you are with now and forever, regardless of their flaws.
Learn to compromise by accepting your partner for who they are unless your persistent grumbles and insistence for them to change if they really love you might end up being a burden that pushes them over.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship or perhaps have a partner whose flaw is not negotiable – for instance you want kids and he doesn’t – no amount of talking or arguing will change that, so you might have to make a careful decision about your relationship.
However, If you are happy in your relationship and can live with your partner’s flaw, then focus on appreciating the positives in your relationship rather than insisting on a change that will probably never come.
8. Keeping Secrets From Your Loved One
If you’re dating with the intention of going into a serious relationship with that person, the number one rule to note as you get to know each other is to avoid keeping secrets.
Secrets are burdensome, weighty, and overwhelming, and with time might begin to affect the trust in your relationship as they come to the fore.
No, you do not have to tell the other person every single detail about your life, but you must not deliberately keep something essential from them. Once you feel even slightly guilty for not telling them, that is your cue that it is a secret that needs to be shared.
9. Losing The Romance In The Relationship
It is easy to become overconfident or complacent and begin to show indifference in your efforts at being romantic. This is an indication of a forthcoming disaster.
Relationships are work; they require hard work and intentional effort to sustain. If the romance in your relationship starts to falter, take conscious steps to resurrect it unless you would be making another deadly, yet avoidable, mistake.
10. Overlooking The Positives
Many of us automatically focus on the wrong turns in our relationship and things about our partner we’d like to change.
While acknowledging the things that aren’t working in the relationship and taking steps to address these are vital, it can often distract us from seeing the positive things that our partner does for us, and make us develop an excessively critical outlook.
Being thankful for little things our partners do strengthens their feelings and assures them that their efforts are recognized.
So instead of having the mindset that you do not need to display gratitude for something they have done because it falls among their responsibilities, focus on building the bond in your relationship by appreciating their little efforts.
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