Here we go again. This guy you just started texting is acting weird, and not even in a good way.
Always trying to indirectly ask if you’re single, trying to open doors for you that you can open by yourself, and being envious whenever he sees your other male friends.
Well, it is likely that he has feelings for you and is trying very hard (but not hard enough, obviously) to conceal them.
The signs that he is fighting his feelings for you can manifest in a lot of different ways, depending on the guy in question, but there is a sort of baseline.
It’s almost as if every guy was taught the same thing in some ‘Women 101’ training camp. But that’s neither here nor there.
Guys are apparently less complicated than women. They can be honest and straightforward and they don’t tend to hold grudges. Or, do they? Anyway, here’s 15 signs he is fighting his feelings for you. No, you don’t have to thank me.
1. His Body Language Shows Interest When He’s Around You
From uncrossing his arms and leaving them by his sides, to opening his legs when he sits as if to display his crotch, let’s dissect what the male species does (consciously or not) that is a sure sign he has caught feelings for you, and one of the various signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
He keeps excellent posture. Gone are the days of him slouching and shoving his hand in his pockets.
Oh no, now he’s going to be standing at his full height, shoulders back and head held high. He wants to show you he is a fine specimen, without telling you to check him out.
He indirectly shows you his crotch. No, I’m not kidding. You thought that thing men do when they spread their legs like butter is just for comfort? I mean, it is, but they won’t be, er, squashed if they sit with their legs closed.
In particular, if he opens the legs in your direction while he’s wearing grey sweatpants, then he wants you to have his babies.
2. He Tries To Be Your Hero
You might think. “Oh God, not this again. Not this guy with mini schizophrenia who thinks he’s Superman.”
I know it can be tempting to brush off his attempts at being your protector, because you’re an independent boss woman and not a flimsy Disney princess, but you have to understand he’s not trying to undermine you.
It’s just one of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you. What brave knight would let harm come to his Fiona? If he doesn’t give a hoot about you, he’d just look the other way.
Haven’t you seen it in nearly every romance movie? The female main character is getting chewed out by some random person who is only unkind to her because she’s too much of a special snowflake, and the guy swoops in, all handsome and well-spoken, with a jaw sharp enough to cut through steel.
Guys have been told for years that their job is to protect and care for women for centuries. It’s just instinct kicking in at this point.
Plus, isn’t it nice to conserve energy, knowing you have a ‘big, strong man’ to defend you when shit hits the fan? Look, if a taxi driver wants to swindle you and he sees a man stepping up, he will hesitate.
3. He Notices Things You Don’t Expect Anyone To
There’s this myth that’s been peddled to women for centuries – that men only care about food and women, but not necessarily about what the women have to say or find important.
Yeah, that is very far from accurate and you can quote me on this. Men can be scarily perceptive when they want to be. If he’s interested in you, his brain houses an encyclopedia with your name on it.
What is this sorcery? He noticed your new hairstyle and perfume change? Well, newsflash, he cares about you.
That means he pays attention to every minute change. Guys pay attention to things they find important and in this case, that’s you.
If he can memorize every player of his favorite football team, plus their origin story, formation, likes, dislikes, and even family tree, then why won’t he notice your new bra?
When the two of you are meeting up and he clocks in on your new earrings in seconds flat, it’s pretty safe to say that’s part of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you. He’s extra perceptive.
4. He Remembers Everything You Say
A lot of the time, you may have even forgotten to tell him about your best friend and her boyfriend having issues.
Cue your surprise when, the next time you talk, he’ll be ready and waiting with some insight on the guy’s point of view.
What that says is, he doesn’t just nod along to your hour-long rants on how good or bad your day was, he actually listens to them. His having solutions ready for you by the next day means he kept thinking about the conversation.
It’s a surefire sign that he has the hots for you. He most likely stayed awake all night, brainstorming. What does that look like? One of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you!
You can tell him about a course you’re finding difficult and he’ll come up with solutions or offer to help you learn it. Guys? You can be stumped about your math test in a few days and find that he has turned into a math guru all of a sudden.
It is also quite possible for you to tell him, “I’ve never had a birthday cake before” offhandedly and forget all about it in the months to come.
Then he surprises you on the day with two cakes, a dozen cupcakes, and chocolate. In case you haven’t clocked in on it yet, I’m projecting. One of the ways to a woman’s heart is also through her stomach, yet, for some reason, men are yet to realize it.
5. He Goes Out Of His Way To Be There For You
Let’s get one thing straight, he does not have to walk you to that new place you’re worried about going alone to.
He does not have to pick you from the park and help you move your stuff into your new hostel in school. He definitely doesn’t have to help you cram for your last-minute test the next day.
He’s going ahead to do all that because he wants to and contrary to popular opinion, that doesn’t make him a simp. Going out of his way to do this for you, not minding however anyone sees him is one of many clear signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
It’s all fun and games calling guys simps, but it’s the same women that post updates all the time about wanting men who are obsessed with them. Hypocrisy is not cute by any means.
He does all of this because he cares about you and wants the best for you. No matter what your friends may or may not have to say about it, try not to take advantage of him.
The definition of simp is a man who foolishly overvalues and defers to a woman, putting her on a pedestal. That is, to assign excessive value to you when you are clearly not reciprocating.
Word of advice, friend to friend? Don’t lead him on just because you’ve found someone to do your dirty work for free. That is – to put it plainly – callous and mean.
6. He Acts A Little Weird
Nervous tics are common with guys fighting their feelings and should be handled with a lot of care and discretion. It’s a part of the undisputable signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
So, chill and pretend not to notice. Drawing attention to them might make him more anxious, and it doesn’t mean he is uncomfortable around you per se, he may be even more cautious. That leads to him acting stiff and you don’t want that.
Some of these tics might be licking his lips constantly, avoiding eye contact, shaking his feet, or playing with his hair – if he has any.
He might mess around with his clothes, removing the buttons to his shirt, and putting them back. If he wears hats or caps, you can see him wearing it, taking it off, reversing it, testing it in different positions for absolutely no reason.
They are just very glaring signs he is fighting his feelings for you. Make him comfortable around you.
Ways to help him feel less nervous and more comfortable with you include – but are in no way limited to – pretending you can’t tell he’s acting jumpy, offering to do activities he likes, telling him stories.
Who told you men don’t like to gist? Have you ever heard a group of guys gossiping? Verily, I say unto you, guys and gossip are like 5 and 6.
7. He Always Wants To Know More About You
That is, aside from the constant “How are you?” “How was your day?” “Have you eaten?” and all other questions that end up annoying you instead of making you swoon.
He wants to know your hobbies, what interests you, what your goals are. You didn’t hear it from me, but this information helps him paint a clearer picture in his mind of what a future with you will be like. Let’s not touch on how weird that probably sounds.
He does it, anyway, so that’s one of the signs he’s fighting his feelings for you. He knows it might tick you off, and he’s trying to convince himself he can do without you.
It’s why he may feel hurt when you do big things without telling him. It’s not about policing you, he cares about your well-being and success. He’s ready to be your biggest fan and number one supporter, but that can only happen if you let him in.
He wants to know what makes you angry or upset, so he can avoid doing it.
If you’re reading this and mentally checking off some guy’s boxes, it’s possible your days of being in the singles market are coming to an end.
8. He Gets Jealous When You’re With Other Men
Jealous. Adjective. Suspecting rivalry in love; troubled by worries that one might have been replaced in someone’s affections; suspicious of a lover’s or spouse’s fidelity.
Protective, zealously guarding, careful in the protection of something one has or appreciates.
If it’s the former kind of jealousy, he already views you as something of his that can be taken away.
If it’s the latter, he simply doesn’t trust other guys around you, likely because even he knows what men can be.
Jealousy can manifest in various ways, and it’s also one of many glaring signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
The most common ones are acting funny when he hears you’re going out with other male friends, being seemingly overprotective in any social setting that even remotely involves other males, and constantly trying to out-do whatever another guy does for you.
9. He Can’t Stop Smiling Around You
From awkward half-smiles to bashful smiles, cheeky grins, and sly smirks, this guy will just radiate happiness to be around you. He’ll laugh at your jokes, no matter how cringe they are.
Forget about how guys claim women aren’t funny, when a guy has feelings for you, even if you just laugh at a lizard, he’ll join you.
He will also respond well to nicknames, so take note of that. Here are a few other terms of endearment, should you grow to reciprocate his feelings,
Babe, Baby, Love, Darling, Handsome, Prince Charming, Daddy, Romeo, and ah’blen (my love, from the book ‘Geekerella by Ashley Poston. The female version is ah’blena).
He’ll smile when you say his name, or pay attention to him, or notice as many things about him as he does about you. If and when you compliment him, be prepared for a completely sheepish and probably shy smile.
10. He Either Keeps His Eyes Away From You Or Can’t Take Them Off You
This is a definite way to tell if he likes you or just wants a fling. More often than not, he’s keeping his eyes away because if he doesn’t, he may end up staring too much and letting the cat out of the bag.
Well, that and the fact that he can’t afford to freak you out by being creepy.
If you are aware of him staring, try and figure out what exactly he’s staring at. If it’s your assets – then he most likely wants to devour you. Now, how to tell if he likes you or just wants a fling.
Men can be very obvious with what they want or don’t want. It’s left for you to decipher what he is or isn’t saying.
His light, lingering touches mean he wants to keep in physical contact with you. Whether that means hugging you or being inside you, one can only wonder.
A good, tested, and trusted method that has been used over the ages is; play along and find out.
As for your other features…
For your guy to be staring at your lips – and maybe licking his – he’s thinking about what it would feel like to kiss you. As for your nose, ears, and probably feet… well I don’t want to kink shame so let’s move along.
11. He Tries To Impress You
What? You thought him flexing his probably nonexistent muscles was for nothing? Ha, think again.
When a guy is fighting his feelings for you and by default, trying to let you know without actually saying anything, he’ll try his hardest to impress you. Whether or not he will succeed in his endeavors is up for debate, to be honest.
Your childhood male friend that went on a trip bought you chocolate for upon returning? Never fear, this guy will buy you a box of them. Some guy you met at a course mixer bought you an egg roll? He will bring you a whole trailer of junks.
He will also tell you about his achievements, not because he’s a braggart. He wants you to know that he’s capable of big things, and would like you to acknowledge it. A little praise wouldn’t be bad either.
12. He Gives Mixed Signals
Of all the signs he is fighting his feelings for you, this is the most glaring. Today, all he wants is to be around you. Tomorrow, he’s claiming to have a full schedule and can’t even spare you a few texts.
From, “You should always feel free to talk to me, I’m here for you,” to “Is that small thing why you’re calling me?” It can be disconcerting and hopeful, and the core of the problem is thus,
Nine times out of ten, when you really want something, your mind tries to convince you of why you shouldn’t get it or, worse still, why you don’t deserve it.
While he is falling head over heels for you, he’s not sure if it’s a good idea at all. This internal confusion starts to reflect outwards and with you being kept out of the loop, it can be a very trying time.
Some things you can do are give him space when he moves away but don’t entirely cut him off. Remind him that life is too short for whatever drama he’s busy acting.
If that triggers a confession and a few years down the line, you’re able to post ‘How it started versus how it’s going on Twitter, don’t forget to come back and tell us thank you.
13. He Gives You His Full Attention
Have you seen it with your folks? When your father puts down his newspaper to look straight at your mother and listen to whatever it is that she’s saying? That, my dear, is love. It’s not like he can’t multitask, he’s just choosing to focus on her.
If he turns his phone off and puts notifications on silent whenever he is with you, this guy is here to give you all his attention – and love.
When he isn’t busy overthinking his attraction to you and acting both hot and cold — which is one of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you, he’s being all in for you. Don’t ask questions, just believe me.
As I said at the start, he’s going to listen to all your rants, no matter how long they take. This is also how he’ll notice every single change in your appearance or behavior.
If you want attention too, learn to ask for it. You will not die, and he is not Charles Xavier – he can’t read your mind. You already know he will drop everything as soon as he can focus on you.
There is absolutely no need to be so stubborn all the time, you are not a stone inside a pot of beans.
14. He Is Single And Wants To Know If You Are
This should be obvious? I mean, he has to know if his feelings are being wasted on you. There’s no need to be pouring all his love on someone that already has who she is wearing matching outfits with, come December.
Of course, he won’t be straightforward and just ask you. No, doing that exposes himself, because it would be difficult to explain exactly why he needs this information. Why just tell you when he can subtly allude to it in conversation?
“This spoon reminds me of you,” is much easier to say than, “Hey, are you single? I kind of want to date you and make you the mother of my future kids.”
Talking about feelings is hard, cut him some slack. If he goes through the trouble and discomfort, it’s one of the signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
Things like, “It’s complicated” or “We’re not that serious” or “It’s you I like” do not help matters. Unless you’re polyamorous, there can be no other partner in the picture.
That just makes things messy in the long run, and it’s how most tiring romance novels get their conflict. We are too grown for love triangles. Talk your stuff and own it. If you are in a relationship, do let him know.
15. He Wants To Be Close To You
This may have taken a hit during quarantine but now that it’s over – in most places – people aren’t taking touch for granted anymore. Least of all a guy exhibiting all the signs of being emotionally attached to you.
From casually bumping shoulders to holding hands, or telling you it’s okay to lean on him – both figuratively and literally – he’ll take every chance to share body heat with you.
Of course, he won’t do this if you guys were just getting to know each other. But as long as there’s a sort of affinity between you, he will do his best to rub his body against yours.
Pay attention to how he touches you though if it’s respectful and with explicit consent, then his feelings are possibly genuine.
If he takes these permissions as an excuse to cop a feel, then your boy is horny. It doesn’t get more obvious than that.
Your shoulders, upper and lower arms, upper back, and palms are possible safe zones. Breasts, stomach, hips, behind, thighs, neck, and face are usually out of the question.
If you don’t like being touched at all, well you need to curtly let him know without hurting his feelings.
Final words
The crux of the matter is, if the guy you are currently thinking of returning to the shop is displaying at least 10 of these signs he is fighting his feelings for you, he might be in love with you.
Most of these are relatively green flags, although some are splattered with some red. It’s all up to you how you choose to respond, but the bottom line is – do not pretend, do not lead him on, do not accept him out of pity because it will end in hot and salty tears.
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