When it comes to modern love and dating, it feels like we have to learn new terms every day. One term that has stuck over the last few years is “situationship.”
The dreaded situation that isn’t quite a relationship. Or as my sister once described it, ‘the relationship without flowers’.
Knowing the signs of a situationship is essential because they help you see the fate of a potential connection. So, what are the signs to look out for?
The signs of a situationship become apparent when there’s no clear label, no discussion about the future, a lack of commitment, most of the plans arise spontaneously, communication is inconsistent, and there’s little emotional connection. It’s like having a friend you’re purely physical with and skipping out on all the emotional connection.
In a situationship, you’re more than friends but less than partners, too. It’s akin to almost getting to your destination but deciding to spin the block again.
Situationships might have the physical connection you experience in a relationship, but the emotional part that ties everything together is often missing.
If things are currently undefined and unclear, chances are you’re in a situation. But we aren’t here to take chances, get everything you need; we’ll dive into the nitty-gritty details about situationships.
1. No Clear Label
One of the signs of a situationship is having no clear label. You’re together, but not in a romantic relationship. You don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, but do nearly everything a couple does.
A label is a way of defining your relationship and making things official. Without it, you’re kind of stuck in that limbo of casual and exclusive dating. That’s typically right where a situationship falls.
I’ve had my fair share of situationships, some intentional, most unintentional, and I can tell you for a fact that not having a label on your relationship really complicates things.
So I was seeing this guy in college, and as far as I knew, we were dating exclusively, even though he technically hadn’t asked me out yet.
Anyway, we went to a party and met his friends (which was unplanned), and he ended up introducing me to them as a course mate. I was shocked, but it was then that I learnt my lesson about the dangers of not having labels and what it meant.
Not having labels means you’re in a situationship and is one of the biggest signs you should look out for. If you’re in a relationship that hasn’t been defined as one, the chances that it’s just a situationship are high.
Knowing where you stand with someone is essential because it clears up any misunderstandings that might occur in the future.
2. No Future Talks
One thing to note about situationships? They have no business with the future. My sister likes to say that situationships are allergic to the future, and I couldn’t agree more.
When you’re in a relationship with someone and they never discuss the future or deflect when you ask, it means they don’t see a future with you.
In healthy relationships, talking about the future is very normal. You don’t have to have it all figured out, but it does help to give each other reassurance.
Future talks could range from talking about moving in together, buying a house, or getting married. Sometimes, it’s even simpler, centered around making plans.
For example, you could be making plans for a dinner date or celebrating an upcoming anniversary. If you can’t relate to any of these instances being mentioned in your relationship, then you’re looking at the signs of a situationship.
In situationships, discussing the future can be quite awkward. That’s because the future is usually off-limits. The whole idea of a situationship is like having a short fling, so you can imagine why talking about the future comes off as odd.
In fact, in most situationships, it’s a forbidden topic, unless you’re making plans for when to meet next (and even that has a time constraint). So, if you never hear anything about the future from your partner, then it’s not a real relationship.
3. Lack Of Commitment
Another sign of a situationship? Lack of commitment. One reason people get into situationships is that they don’t want to be committed.
Maybe they are not ready for something serious or aren’t ready to handle their emotions, so they get into a relationship with no strings attached. Or, as we famously call it, a situationship.
You see the signs of a situationship when your partner expresses a lack of commitment. They might not even express it outright, but everything in their demeanor, as well as their reluctance to define a relationship, will reveal it.
4. Plans Are Spontaneous
Situationships tend to be short-lived and spontaneous in a situationship. This is because you don’t plan to see each other often, and the feelings are based on an in-the-moment thing, rather than pure love for each other.
My friend once described it as waiting for the call of life, and it was hilarious but true. I can remember being in situationship where I would be waiting for the ‘call’ that was the go ahead. It was time to hang out. Of course, it wasn’t healthy, but those are the signs of a situationship you need to watch out for.
5. Communication Is Inconsistent
One thing about situationships is inconsistent communication. That shouldn’t be a surprise since most plans happen spontaneously anyway.
A healthy relationship is characterized by having regular, open, and honest communication. With a situationship, you can go days or even weeks without hearing from each other.
This is because there’s no obligation to talk every day or communicate as often as couples do. In fact, I’ve heard of situationships where they only communicate once the need to see arises. Communication is an event that happens occasionally.
That’s how to spot the signs of a situationship. Hence, many misunderstandings can arise while in a situationship. When you don’t communicate with someone, there’s not much they know about you to be mindful of the things that offend you or not.
It’s essentially the benefits of a relationship without the emotional investment and work that go into making it successful.
6. Little Emotional Connection
Another one of the key signs of a situationship is little to no emotional connection. A situationship often lacks regard for an emotional connection, as it’s primarily focused on the physical aspect.
This is because when an emotional connection is established, it no longer becomes as causal as it initially is. Now, there’s room for feelings and more to develop.
Hence, you won’t find people in a situationship concerned with activities that promote emotional bonding. In fact, they do the opposite of all things that might promote an emotional attraction.
They won’t talk, do casual things together, hug, meet outside, or share their life experiences with each other. It can be pretty complicated, and the lines tend to get blurred over time.
7. You Don’t Meet Family Friends
Meeting your partner’s family and friends is a significant milestone in a relationship. It marks a new step you take as a couple to make the relationship more serious. But with situationships, there is no meeting of family or friends. That’s a serious move that’s reserved for love relationships.
In fact, you might be doing things other couples do, like going on dates every now and then, but when it comes to actually meeting each other’s families, there will be a noticeable decline.
So, if you’re with someone and they keep preventing you from meeting their loved ones, chances are it’s a situation ship. Don’t ignore these signs of a situationship.
8. Purely Physical
I can’t stress this enough, situationships are purely physical. If you’re with someone and they only care about physical intimacy, then it’s not a relationship. Those are the signs of a situationship.
A relationship prioritizes both physical and emotional intimacy but as we already know, situationships are about satisfying a need.
The major reason for coming together is to satisfy those needs, so anything besides physical intimacy is not welcome. There might be traces of an emotional and mental connection, after all.
To get into a situationship, you need to be compatible, but what takes the win is a potent physical attraction to each other.
9. You Don’t Discuss Personal Goals
The signs of a situationship become apparent in the kind of conversations you have. Most conversations in a situationship are at the surface level, never going deep. This means things like personal goals and future plans are hardly discussed.
Talking about personal goals is something that makes you connect on a deeper level. So doing so in a situationship is usually avoided, especially when you know you won’t be a part of those goals.
10. No Security
You can spot the signs of a situationship in how little security you have in this relationship. There’s no commitment or promise to stay together forever or a lifetime.
You’re basically going with the flow. And if you know anything about going with the flow, the tides can change at any time.
I still remember my first situationship breakup. It came so fast and unexpectedly. Things were flowing well and we had an understanding.
Then relationship suddenly ended, and we never spoke again. That’s the thing about situationships: there’s no security of love or commitment to keep things going.
11. You’re Only Contacted On Their Terms
You’ll start to see the signs of a situationship when you feel like you are at their call and beck. That means you only get called at night or at random hours of the day.
This means you feel like you’re only contacted when the other person wants something physical. Not because they care about your day, thoughts, or beliefs.
They will mostly reach out at night, never ask about your day, and are only concerned about physical meetings. In essence, you’re not treated like a partner, but a body. And that’s one of the most telling signs of a situationship.
12. You Never See Each Other In Public
Another example of the signs of a situationship is never seeing each other in public. You don’t claim each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, or even acknowledge any type of relationship between yourselves.
You may have been with each other the night before, and when you see each other in the light of day the next morning, you pass each other like strangers.
That’s because labels are complicated in a situationship. Being seen interacting can equate to labeling the relationship as a serious romantic one. And as you’ve probably learnt, that is far from the goals of a situationship.
How To Know It’s A Situationship
If people’s intentions could be spelled on their foreheads with neon lights, it would make a great deal of sense. You wouldn’t have to guess what someone is thinking or blow your search engine with questions like, ‘How to know it’s a situationship?’
But alas, here we are! The good news is that I was once an avid searcher and, over the years, picked up on certain cues.
Firstly, if your ‘relationship’ has no labels, then it’s clearly a situationship. Not having labels in a relationship simply means you don’t consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend.
But beyond this, it also means you’re not exclusive or loyal to each other. You’ll find yourself stuck in a limbo where it feels like nothing is changing or happening. You’re together, but not a couple.
You’ll also find that most plans (if any are made) happen out of the blue or spontaneously. Spontaneity is not a bad thing; in fact, it’s good because it keeps the romance alive.
However, if all plans always happen spontaneously, it shows that those plans are made to fulfill a need. And that need is often physical.
Another way to know it’s a situationship is by judging your communication. Communication plays a big role in relationships, and if it is missing in your relationship, then it’s probably because things aren’t that serious.
When it comes to situationships, communication is not often a criterion for it to work. It’s more about what both parties stand to gain than improving the relationship. So, if communication is bad or non-existent, then it’s a sign that you’re in a situationship.
Finally, you haven’t met family or friends. When it comes to love and dating, meeting each other’s families is a pretty big deal. Before I take anyone to meet my parents, I have to be certain I’m willing to commit to that person in the long run.
It’s also a way for my partner to meet the people who raised me. If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and there’s been no talk about meeting each other’s families or friends, then it’s likely a situationship.
Signs You’re Not In A Real Relationship
How do you know your relationship is not real? That it’s made up or based on the idea of what could be a potential romance. As someone who has been in her fair share of situationships, I’ll be sharing some important tips for you to look out for.
First, you lack a genuine connection. Things in your relationship don’t go beyond the surface. If you’re asked to name each other’s favorite hobbies or family members, you’ll both likely be found mumbling.
That’s because there’s no real depth to the emotional connection you share as a couple. Another sign you’re not in a real relationship becomes apparent when you and your partner don’t support each other.
Support is a huge part of relationships because it reinforces the love you have for each other. Being each other’s biggest cheerleaders is a must. Imagine having someone to always encourage you and cheer you on.
If your partner doesn’t cheer you on or support your goals, then it’s not a real relationship. It might be something that doesn’t go beyond the surface.
Communication is never consistent in a fake relationship. You’ll know it’s not a real relationship when communication is inconsistent or only happens when you need something from each other. This is common in purely physical relationships.
They only call each other when the need arises. And as we all know, communication is key. If communication is inconsistent, it will lead to misunderstandings, and resentment may eventually develop. You don’t know much about each other.
When a relationship is not real, you realize you barely know much about each other beyond surface things. I remember dating this guy in college and not knowing much about him. It wasn’t that I wasn’t asking questions, but he wasn’t giving answers.
It felt like I was dating myself, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that our expectations were very different. That’s another way you know it’s not a real relationship.
Finally, another sign it’s not a real relationship is never seeing each other in public. When you don’t acknowledge each other in public or in the presence of mutual friends, it becomes clear that the relationship is not as serious as it should be.
It’s like being each other’s sneaky links rather than committed partners. So, if you ignore each other in public or don’t interact, then it’s likely the case of a situationship.
Situationship Warning Signs
Situationships can be quite complicated and leave you feeling uncertain about your feelings for that other person. One of the first warning signs of a situationship is having no labels. You’re together, but the relationship is undefined.
You do basically everything a normal couple does, yet you’re not a couple. That’s because it’s a situationship. The feelings you share aren’t enough to close things off or be labeled as a relationship.
Another sign is that things are purely physical. If there’s no emotional depth to your relationship, chances are it can’t even be called a relationship.
Your connection is more about fulfilling a physical need rather than an emotional one. All relationships need a healthy mixture of the emotional and physical to thrive.
But once the physical seems to thrive, then that should ring warning bells in your head. Anyone who is genuine about you should want to connect with you both physically and emotionally. They only call at night. This is when you start to feel like a booty call.
I dated a guy who would only ever call me at night. I didn’t notice it immediately because he usually claimed to be busy during the day. However, it became too intentional, and I realized we weren’t on the same page about our relationship.
If you’ve noticed that you’re only called for nighttime activities and never see them during the day, then take it as a warning sign of a situationship.
Finally, you won’t meet their friends. When someone is wary about introducing you to their friends, it means they don’t want you around long-term.
You might find yourself asking who their friends are, and they may fail to answer when you do. Begging to meet their friends or guessing about their life beyond the relationship is a warning sign of a situationship.
How Do You Tell If You Are In A Situationship?
How can you tell if you’re in a situationship? Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re in a relationship because things seem to be going smoothly. For example, you might be happy with your partner whenever you meet.
However, when they leave, the thought that you don’t know much about them or their life starts to sink in. That’s when those rose-coloured glasses start to slip and you realize you’re in a situationship.
So the first way of knowing is realizing you don’t know much about your partner. It feels like you do because you have an amazing time together, but once they leave, you will start to see how little you actually know about them.
And whenever you ask questions, they deflect or turn the conversation to something else. This is due to a missing emotional connection.
If you’re in a situationship, plans will mostly be spontaneous. Think about it; plans might arise out of the blue and usually happen at night. That’s because situationships are mostly fun and carefree.
It’s never about the emotional feelings but the physical ones. So, making plans out of the blue is an exciting way to keep those feelings alive. It can also leave you feeling like a booty call if you only get calls when they have an itch to scratch.
Finally, communication will be inconsistent. Have you been seeing someone and going days without talking, and then suddenly you’re back at it again? That was likely a situationship.
For a relationship to be healthy, communication needs to be consistent and healthy, and not just when you both need each other to fulfill a need. So if communication is unhealthy and lacks depth, then you’re in a situationship and relationship.
What Happens In A Situationship
A situationship is a type of relationship that isn’t really a relationship. Confusing, right? Well, that’s one way to describe a situationship. They start off casual with no expectations.
In essence, there are no strings attached. But the lines tend to blur the longer you carry on. There are many things that can happen in a situationship, but I’ll share just a few.
One of which is avoiding commitment. The whole idea of a situationship is being casual and not having any expectations. This extends to all the things you’d usually expect from a partner in a healthy relationship.
A situationship is like a relationship without the rules. The only rule is to never fall in love.
Finally, in a situationship, you don’t meet your partner’s loved ones. That’s reserved for the people in actual relationships. There’s something about meeting family members that’s serious for a relationship but over the top for a situationship.
This is because the whole idea is to be short-term and enjoyable without strings. And meeting parents and friends definitely has strings attached.
Conclusion
Situationships are relationships that lack the emotional aspect of affection and love. They are often undefined and are generally based on physical feeling rather than authentic emotions.
Knowing what situationships look like is helpful because it helps you gauge the seriousness of your match.
You can spot the signs of a situationship through undefined labels, lack of communication, no talk about the future, spontaneity, and little emotional connection.
By recognizing these signs, you become aware of the decisions you make as well as receive the love you deserve.
