Every single marriage was meant to stay together forever. So, when you go to the altar, you say “I do” and want to be with your spouse permanently.
But, if you feel like you’ve made a mistake or the person that you married isn’t the person you took to the altar, then it means you have to work at finding a way out.
Why should you listen to me? I am happily married and have been on this journey for many years now. I’ve had a couple of wins in this area, and I’m going to remind you that if you remember patience and understand the wisdom within your circumstances, then you will break through and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Here are some valid reasons for divorce and signs to know when to leave.
Causes Of Divorce
There are different causes responsible for why couples head to the point of divorce.
Divorce seems trendy lately as you see people throwing divorce parties and celebrating disintegrated unions.
What makes marriages null and void lately? Why does It move from “I do” to “I don’t,” and why does happily ever after change into no future together? We will be looking at a few causes of divorce and why marriages are failing lately.
1. Unrealistic Expectations
Many go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Most people going into marriage are less prepared without having read any books, going for any counseling, or even discussed extensively with their spouses.
And just went into marriage assuming that the problems will be taken care of.
Somehow, they never knew their partner’s vision, what they hoped to achieve, where they wanted to stay, or how many kids they wanted to have.
You got in only to discover that you are both different. This could cause a lot of friction between you two; if expectations are not met, disappointment will set in.
Being married is trying to be there for each other and working it out.
2. People Get Into Marriage With The Hope Of Curing Loneliness
Have you sat down to write down the reasons why you are marrying this person? If things have not been good while dating, don’t think marriage will fix the problems you have.
Divorce involves a whole lot of work, and if you’re not able to sort out your differences while dating, marriage will not sort them out.
3. Gender Equality
In countries with more women in the workforce, they earn better than men, and the divorce rate is higher.
Research has it that when women get a raise at work, particularly in countries where women are more favored, once a promotion comes, it doesn’t take too long for them to request a divorce because most times, they earn better than their spouse and they let ego get in the way. Ego comes in, and it’s not just about the women either.
4. Pride Of Life
By this, I mean money, gender, status, and the question of age. These are more reasons why people get married, and these are wrong reasons.
If you got married for any of these reasons, your marriage might hit the rocks soon.
Before you know it, most people marry for money, and it is all fun and enjoyable initially, but when the money runs out, people change. How about those who got married to fix their sensual urges. They would be disappointed.
Why not concentrate on getting involved with your friend mentally and trying them in other areas before you think of getting intimate? It can be worked out eventually.
I mean, you won’t be shocked or surprised to find out that in a couple of days after you tie the knot, intimacy may be a thing of the past except you work at it, so when you get married because your partner is good at what he does or she does in bed.
Then you may most likely end your relationship sooner than you think. How about those who rushed into marriage because they felt their biological clock was ticking so fast? They may end up getting married to people who are not mature.
For example, the lady may still be tied to her parent’s apron, and they want to decide what happens in the home, or the man is a mother’s boy and refuses to grow up and take responsibility for the home.
Most times, people like this put their parents first. It’s not wrong to love your parents, but your spouse also has their place. No one is saying you should not care about your parents, but when you are, your partner has a place.
This is not about ranking, which comes first or last, everyone has their place, and of course, their places are all special.
Most times, when it comes to decision-making, these couples leave their parents to run their homes and make decisions that could be bad for their relationship.
What Are The Major Causes Of Divorce?
1. Severe Abuse
The first reason I think why couples get divorced is because of severe abuse. There are several forms of abuse ranging from mental to physical abuse, mental abuse, or even financial abuse respectively.
If you feel that you’ve been manipulated over the years by your spouse, then it is time to get a divorce. If your spouse is abusing you every single day in ways you cannot tolerate anymore, then you need to walk away from that relationship
You don’t have to be with a person who doesn’t appreciate who you are. We all have limits of forbearance, and once that limit is exceeded, you may react in a manner you may later regret.
If your partner hurts you deeply multiple times and you feel highly offended by their behavior, and you can no longer take it anymore, you need to understand that you are not meant to be with that person.
For me, the number one reason why most marriages end in divorce is because of some form of abuse.
And if you understand how abusive your relationship is, you need to seek counseling first.
A lot of times, whenever you decide to see a counselor, your spouse will deny that request because they don’t believe that they have a problem, and many times, they will be in so much denial that they won’t even believe there is problem or even if they know, they will begin to point accusing fingers on you.
To address what the problem is, what you need to do at this point is to find someone that can help you. It doesn’t have to be a professional, but it needs to be someone who cares about you and wants to help you to restore your relationship.
Once you decide to try everything you can and it seems not to be working, you conclude that you can no longer stay; now is the time to seek a divorce. It’s time to give up on that relationship and start anew.
If you want to be yourself, you have to free yourself in order to be yourself, and you can never become yourself if you’re tied up in a relationship that is holding you back from becoming the person you are meant to be.
2. Betrayals And Hurts
The second primary reason to seek a divorce is if you’ve experienced a tremendous amount of betrayal.
If you found out that your partner has consistently betrayed you over the years, and this could be in different ways, maybe they lied to you multiple times, cheated on you, or done so many things to hurt you, and you feel like you cannot endure the hurt anymore, then it’s time to let go.
There are no marriages without issues. Just because someone has wronged you a couple of times doesn’t mean you need to seek a divorce, It doesn’t mean you need to give up on your relationship just because they got some information from you or did something they shouldn’t have done.
It doesn’t mean you need to give up on the relationship entirely; what you need to do is reconcile and get back together. Seek understanding, meet somewhere in the middle, and work things out in your relationship.
It may not even be your spouse that is doing the betrayal; it may be who your spouse is connected with, maybe your In-laws are doing the most harm.
If you feel like this is the situation, forgive your spouse and forgive their family because your spouse isn’t in control of how the family thinks and what the family says or how they act, but you need to control your reaction.
What you need to do is forgive them and take control of your emotions, mindset, and how you interact with them. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while now, you may be saying it’s easier said than done, but most relationships have to test your character,
trust, integrity, and even your honesty, and if you don’t pass this test to deal with that person you’re in love with, then you’re never going to be able to have a good love life.
You’re never going to reach your highest potential; you are never going to become who you’re going to be so, beginning here, how much have they hurt you? Have they acted in such an evil way that you cannot forgive them? If they have, then you need to seek a divorce.
If you haven’t, then you need to work it out, and if it’s about their family, then you don’t need to worry about it because your spouse is who you’re with, and the family has little or nothing to do with who you’re about to become.
3. Goals And Visions
If you feel like the person you’re currently in a relationship with, is not whom you should be with, because the person is holding you back and keeping you from becoming who you need to be, you need to get rid of that person in your life.
Some people leave their spouse just because they felt they should, or they were meant to do this and that, but be sure that this is precisely what you’re experiencing in your marriage, and you are not about to leave because of what people are saying.
You need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your spouse and sort it out if you know that this is the right thing to do.
They need to make sure that you set yourself up for success, but you also need to make sure that you set your family upright, especially where children are involved; you have to prepare them emotionally and mentally.
There are many consequences, but if you know that you can pull through, then you can go in that direction.
Valid Reasons For Divorce
Sometimes, people may tell you to leave your marriage, especially when they have their agenda. You need to be aware, don’t allow their noise to get to your relationship with your spouse because most times, people try to generate issues where there isn’t any.
Some are not in their homes and wants you out of yours too, so sit back and think deep and if you know that your relationship was meant to be, then you’re going to do whatever it takes to make it work.
Divorce is a very sensitive issue because, really, at the altar, no one has it at the back of their mind that they would leave or get tired of their spouse.
They know deep down in their heart that they’re doing the right thing, and then later on in life, they realize that it wasn’t the right thing or it didn’t work out.
We’ll be looking at valid reasons why most people divorce today. I’m happily married and have been married for a couple of years, and I’ve had some experiences in handling my husband and also dealing with people.
1. Lack Of Appreciation
The first reason why most people divorce is because of lack of appreciation. When couples decides to get married; they believe in their heart that they know enough about the person they’re getting married to, they think they know this person so well when they move in.
They begin to take each other for granted, they forget their vows and start to do things they didn’t do, and somehow, it causes them to appreciate each other less and separate a little bit because the fact is; some people need to be enjoyed, including couples.
Because they don’t feel appreciated, this makes them engage in extramarital relationships. Show your spouse appreciation, make them know you love them.
2. When Efforts In The Relationship Are One-Sided
Some couples don’t want to put in any effort. Teams need to work with each other. You need to put in a hundred percent; it takes a lot of courage for you to keep going when your partner doesn’t put in any effort; if it’s one-sided, then it’s a big problem.
Why did you fall in love in the first place? Look at your partner, remember what made you fall in love, and keep working towards making that thing better.
3. Money Issues
Money affects marriage, and the lack of it can make people stay together because they can’t split up or split up.
Lack of finances causes too much strain on them and to ensure this doesn’t happen most times; when couples have different spending activities, one likes to save and plan while the other likes to spend, this works out.
These are some of the reasons why people get divorced.
4. Irreconcilable Difference
Another reason is; when people get behind closed doors; their real characters come in. I’ve heard this term in law courts severally as a valid reason for a divorce.
Most times, people get divorced, and you wonder how come they divorce, they seem like the best couple in town.
But the truth is when the doors are closed, true colors come out. Marriage is work, and you need to work at it. It’s about you refusing to give up on your partner and working on it.
5. Domestic Violence
Most marriages go through domestic violence, and as such, the center cannot hold it, emotionally, verbally, or even physically. So please, if you are going through this, kindly seek counseling.
Other Causes For Divorce Today
6. Hidden Secrets
Another reason could be; being in a marriage where children are already involved. One comes in childless, and while the other has children, and the one that has children hides it or even says, I don’t want any more children. Won’t the childless one feel poorly treated?
This could lead to some tension, and this is why it is expedient that agreement is reached before marriage and all secrets are revealed.
7. Different Goals And Visions
Sometimes people divorce because they have different goals; they don’t get to know each other’s visions and goals.
The problem is they never said because they never made a plan for their life, so they don’t know exactly what they are pursuing.
They say they are going to go after goals, but they don’t have them on paper, and that means they don’t know them by heart.
When a couple starts living together, they start talking and start realizing that they have goals and what they want to achieve.
Sometimes they may have separate goals, ambitions, and desires, and most times, they may conflict, especially where they are not communicated earlier.
They discover they are not on the same page; you need to make sure the person you want to marry is someone who is going to help you reach your goals and vice-versa, and if you find yourself being selfish and holding this person back from achieving their goals, then it’s a big problem, and you need to figure out what you can do to help them meet their goals
If you are the one leaving the relationship, you have to move from “you” to “us” and “me” to “us”.
Most people just get into marriages and start thinking of the marriage and ceremonies instead of planning how they are going to live their lives together that your purpose aligns with that of your spouse.
8. Finance
Another reason people get divorced is because of finances. Some people don’t understand how money works. Some couples have several separate bank accounts.
It’s not a problem, but if you say “I do” to the person you’re married to, then no one should have to say; “this is my money”.
There is a way to position your mind when it comes to money. Where one wants to spend, and the other wants to save, you won’t have an agreement, and this is one big reason why couples get divorced
First, you should begin with your jobs; how long will you work? When will you settle down for your retirement?How much are you going to save? Where are you going to stay? What is your standard of living going to be like?
It would be best if you had your goals under control.
9. Lack Of Communication
Another reason why couples get divorced is due to lack of communication. I always say that communication is the bloodline of every relationship.
That you live with someone does not say or mean that you communicate with them in the right way.
Most times in marriage, a lot of people engage in nonverbal communication. Some go for the silent treatment; some express their anger by banging doors, making noise with their plates, or being seen giving out negative vibes.
This doesn’t seem right. Most times, your spouse may feel inadequate. You make sure that you communicate healthily with your spouse because this is the most crucial person in your life.
However, you cannot neglect them altogether. It would be best to speak with them constantly; you lose them, especially when they get attention elsewhere.
Perhaps you sense that you’ve hurt your spouse so much, then you need to go to your spouse and have a talk. If you feel you’re not the selfish one, still go ahead and have to talk. Sit down and talk things out. Express how you feel, in love.
Don’t point accusing fingers. Sit and have a pillow talk. Express how you feel, because your partner may not know what you’re going through most times. Then do something that will make your spouse happy.
Most times is not easy to know if you’re a selfish person, but when you speak with your spouse, you will find out if you’re narcissistic or not
10. Lack Of Intimacy
If a couple isn’t getting the right kind of intimate satisfaction from their partner, they will get cold towards each other, and things may not remain the same.
So, if you want to change that, you’ve got to know your partner intimately. Have a talk about it and then try to meet up if you feel you’re losing touch with your partner in an intimate way.
You need to talk to them, text them from work and possibly just sit and sort it out there. Maybe things they require from you may be too much to meet up with, then be sincere about it and let them know. If you have an idea of what they want, or if you need counseling, go for it.
I’ll take this as one of the primary reasons why some people get divorced because there are many homes or marriages where the bed remained unruffled for weeks, running into months and then into years, and somehow there is no connection between the couples.
There is no fuel to drive what they feel for each other. If this sounds like you, then you may need to work at getting your spouse back and helping your spouse open up to you again. Some have gone out there to have their needs met. It’s time to do things that you’ve not done.
11. Neglect
Another possible reason why couples get divorced today is as a result of neglect most times; it could be something is going on in the family that has been ignored, or your spouse is going through stuff and doesn’t feel like you were there to help them.
Then you have to sit down and talk and find out what you’ve been neglecting, the only way you can to help your relationship and become more conscious and aware of your spouse.
Signs Your Marriage Is Over
No one gets into a marriage to wants a divorce. Sometimes it happens, if the partners got married for selfish reasons, and so after getting those things they went in for, they could just use the back door.
But hardly will you find any couple comfortable with getting a divorce, so what are the signs that you see that show that it’s not worth fighting for anymore?
Having Sat With A Lot Of Couples, I Realized The Following Signs
1. Lack Of Happiness
When your partner is unable to stop putting their needs at your expense even after you’ve communicated and tried to rebuild a healthy marriage with them.
2. You Can No Longer Compromise
When the blame game continues, when you are criticized, and there is nothing you ever do that you do correctly. I’ve often discovered that when people are frustrated, they take it out on their partners.
So, if you find yourself in this kind of situation, you find out that you keep being criticized and blamed for your partner’s happiness and the fight keeps coming up, then it means your marriage is hitting the rocks soon.
3. You See Only Evil
Another sign could be, when either or both parties cannot see anything good in your spouse anymore. This is sad, but it happens that you look at each other, and all you see is the pain.
You find out that resentment, bitterness, and you begin to feel true hate for your partner; this means that your relationship is over, even though you may still be staying together, but it just literally means that the marriage is over.
I would disagree that your partner does not have good qualities that are not true, but when you get to a point where all you see is the bad part, it means your marriage is over.
Figures by researchers are pretty alarming. First, divorce rates are high. Second, divorce rates are currently at between 62 and 65%, third, divorce rates at between 72 and 80%; that’s a whole lot and this is quite alarming.
Most times, divorce could be the only way, but what matters most is making sound decisions and not just rushing to the divorce line.
A lot has been said and written about divorce and signs to tell you when to know that your marriage is over.
Still, I’m going to shock you a little because it does not apply to everyone as we are all different, and we face other challenges in our marriages.
One thing to note is that sometimes misunderstandings show up in your relationship does not necessarily mean that it’s the end of your relationship. Have you ever seen people who have been through thick and thin yet are still in marriage?
It means it doesn’t work for everybody. So the first point is determining that regardless of what happens, you’re going to stick around and make it work, especially when your partner is willing to go all the way with you. Knowing that your relationship has hit the Rocks is more of a personal thing.
It will come from within, and there should be some basic things that you would have seen that would have prompted such decision, not following some rules on what society, books, the internet says, or friends say. What are you thinking? What is your gut telling you? That’s all that matters
And permit me to say that your marriage is over when you decide that you have tried all you can and you can’t take it anymore. I think that’s the only sign I will want to agree with and that is the reason why your marriage may be hitting the rocks.
I often hear people say “I wish we could go back to the way we were when we started” but they’ve forgotten that years or months or sometimes have passed, and they are no longer the same people they used to be themselves.
They have grown older. They’ve changed their environment, they have come in contact with different people, so their ideologies may have changed.
Most times, kids have experienced betrayal, losing business, and the things you have gone through might have changed you or your partner, so most times, you cannot reach back into who you used to be.
Let’s face it, life has happened, your body has changed, your mindset has changed, you have faced countless challenges that you never dreamt of meeting, and somehow something in you is broken, or something in you has woken up.
When you meet with people struggling with their marriages, most people want to get out of the pain, they can’t see what they want in the marriage, and all they want is to leave and get rid of the pain.
They don’t want to feel pain, but truth be told, if you get clear about what you want in a relationship, it will be straightforward for you to work on what you want and see if it’s possible to get it together if you go after that. If it still does not work, then it’s likely that you are not meant to be with each other.
So I throw a question at you reading this, what do you want in your relationship? can you change your relationship into what you want, and if you can’t, then it means that your marriage has hit the rocks. Another thing is you two have to be on the same page.
If your partner says they no longer want the relationship, you can’t force them. The both of you have to agree and want to be in a relationship.
When your partner says no, the association is nearly over, if not around, because two people have to decide to make it work. It may be difficult for just one person to do the loving, the caring, and all. It has to be a connection between you two.
For couples seeking a divorce, most times, I advise them to take it easy and think about it, because after going through a couple of years together, you may not want to look back on this time and feel you made a mistake. Most times, the after-effects could be devastating.
Conclusion
So,all I did was give a guide. It’s a personal decision. There are no steps to knowing your marriage is over. It depends on you. I understand that you’re struggling, and I’m not here to rub in some salt but if you need someone to talk to, let me take you by the hand.
I’ll be waiting to hear from you. Have you gone through a divorce yourself? I would like to hear your story.
Save this for later!
