Seeing your partner get chummy with someone else can be annoying! They don’t even have to be doing much. Sometimes, seeing them being nice to someone who isn’t you can evoke those feelings of jealousy. Now, you might be wondering, “How do I stop the jealousy?”
You might want to reflect on why you feel jealous and actually talk about it. Please don’t barrel into the conversation; do it calmly, stop overthinking what is or isn’t, and finally, relay those bricks of trust! This is how to handle jealousy like a pro.
Jealousy in relationships is normal! I feel jealous when I see the nice cashier smile at someone else who isn’t me (I might have territorial issues, but that’s not the point). Jealousy is normal, but, and a strong but, it can get overbearing.
The last thing you want is your partner high-tailing because they got tired of Jealousy fits. Yikes! But fret not; I’ve managed to solve most of my territorial issues and will help you solve yours, too!
1. Reflect On Your Feelings
One of the most important things to do when dealing with the green-eyed monster in your relationship is to reflect on your feelings. Is it really jealousy? Why do you think you feel jealous? Is it something you can work through? Are you overreacting?
They seem like many questions, but trust me; they will help you work through those jealousy issues. You first acknowledge you feel jealousy, then try to pinpoint reasons for your jealousy, especially when it’s recurrent. Little story time, I once dated a guy with whom I always had my hackles raised.
I felt near feral with how jealous I used to get! At the time, I didn’t comprehend that it was jealousy. I was young and just knew I hated seeing Jim give so much attention to other girls. Of course, it didn’t help that he paid attention to all the girls. That’s a story for another day, anyway.
I eventually had to sit down and think about why I was always so angry and unfulfilled. Of course, it turned out I was jealous, although I did have good reasons to be.
There’s always a good and bad reason to be jealous. As long as it’s healthy and your partner isn’t blurring the lines with other people, you can figure out how to handle jealousy in relationships.
2. Express Your Feelings
We’ve identified that you feel jealousy. So what next? Well, express your feelings! Let your partner understand that you feel jealous and why you feel jealous. Maybe they were extra nice to someone or were seemingly close to a neighbour. You need to let them understand how those actions unsettle you.
Our partners aren’t mind readers, but oh boy, do I wish they were! Imagine how much easier that would be, but I digress. If you don’t let your partner understand why you feel the way you do, they won’t understand you and might simply think you’re in a mood or, worse, overreacting.
So don’t be shy about letting your partner know how you feel when you see them being chummy around certain people. This will help you set boundaries as a couple and prevent such issues from arising again.
So, speak your truth! Side note: Always remember to be calm and non-confrontational about it. Remember, it’s more about how you feel and not what they feel or did.
3. Approach The Conversation Calmly
Jealousy can raise distinct feelings of protectiveness that make us want to run into the scene and claim our partners in that barbaric way. “He is mine!”, “She is mine!”. I may or may not have watched too much Teen Wolf, but you get the point.
Jealousy can make you feel insecure, angry, sad, and annoyed. It’s totally crazy! I remember feeling jealous when my partner told me about a lady at his workplace who kept offering him meals during lunchtime even though he already had his own lunch! I was livid because it was clear she had an agenda.
So, for weeks, jealousy kept building in me, and my thoughts ran wild, from wishing I had a job there to wanting to set her straight.
Don’t worry, I did none of that! I eventually spoke to my partner, who reassured me that it was nothing to worry about. When I attended a work function with him, I was surprised at how much everyone already knew me, and this was because he’d apparently always praised me.
Imagine if I hadn’t decided to approach him and tell him how I felt or if I had accused him of betraying me. I’d probably never discover how much he spoke about me at work and how secure I should have felt. When you feel jealous over a situation with your partner, don’t approach it bull-headedly.
It will only cause more damage and ruin what you have together. So, to understand how to handle jealousy in relationships, approach your conversations calmly!
4. Stop Overanalyzing Situations
I hate to be that person, but having been there before, it might not even be that big of a deal! Now, this isn’t in any way to invalidate what you feel. You are entitled to whatever feelings you have as you understand your situation better, but sometimes, the issue is that we overanalyze.
A reason a lot of people fail to understand how to handle jealousy in relationships is that they over-analyze the situation. We look for cues where there aren’t any.
Especially if you’re an overthinker like me, your thoughts might be going two steps ahead. As I mentioned before, I felt raging jealousy over my boyfriend’s colleague, who kept trying to give him food. What if my boyfriend never even told me? The fact he told me was proof enough that he didn’t see anything meaningful other than being odd.
But, me being me, I still went ahead and over-analyzed the situation. That right there is the plight of overthinking!
But I’m here to tell you that sometimes, you need to take a breather and trust your partner, especially when they’ve not given you a reason to do otherwise.
As much as jealousy and overthinking weigh you down, it can also weigh your partner down because they’ll feel you don’t trust them. And we all know that trust is the lifeblood of every relationship. So, to know how to handle jealousy in relationships, stop over-analyzing situations!
5. Work On Building Trust
When I say lifeblood, you say trust! A relationship without trust is bound to crash and burn. The truth is that a part of jealousy stems from an innate doubt within us. It’s like a little corner of your heart that doesn’t fully trust your partner. But, when you fully trust your partner, jealousy is easier to overcome.
You might feel the familiar pang at first, but when you look at the situation and think about who your partner is, it becomes to trust that they won’t betray your trust and let go of your jealousy.
Pro tip, this is what we call healthy jealousy. You know when to let go and have complete trust in your partner. This is how to handle jealousy in relationships.
If trust is an issue in your relationship, it could be a reason why you’re constantly getting jealous when you see your partner with other people.
You need to work on that feeling of doubt as an individual and work on rebuilding the trust in your relationship. This will help you understand how to handle jealousy in relationships and, of course, prevent your relationship from crumbling.
6. Build Your Self-esteem
When figuring out how to handle jealousy in relationships, consider whether your self-esteem is high or low. A huge part of jealousy stems from having low self-esteem. The fact you’re jealous shows that you believe your partner can leave you for someone else.
It may be because you feel lacking in certain ways or insecure about the relationship. Well, I’m here to tell you that you’re amazing! You’re wonderful the way you are, and realizing this boosts your confidence.
To overcome those feelings of self-doubt, you need to know that not only are you one in a million, but you and your partner are lucky to have each other.
One way I boost my self-esteem is through journaling. I write down positive things about myself, such as things I love about my style, my looks, and even how I handle situations.
Doing this increases my confidence, and it sinks in that I’m truly worthy of love. Another way I boost my confidence is through morning affirmations.
This might seem cliché, but affirming yourself with positive words first thing in the morning is a game changer and tone setter for the day. I hope you try out these tips and work toward building up that confidence!
7. Focus On Positive Activities
Take it from me—positivity will positively change your life! That green-eyed monster has a way of weighing you down and ruining your mood. Well, you can evade that monster by focusing on positive activities.
Do things with your partner that deepen your bond.
This is one of the great ways how to handle jealousy in relationships. Go on dates, try out activities together, or simply take long walks together.
The idea is to do activities that remind you why you love your partner and work on reconnecting if you feel that emotional intimacy is getting lost. During these moments of bonding, leave behind all that’s bothering you and focus on just enjoying your partner’s presence.
This is also a great way to rebuild trust, which has been lost. You can equally find positivity in solo activities or even going out with other family and friends. The idea is that you’re not obsessing over the situation like some stalker.
Get out there, do something positive, and get your mind and heart out of reach of that green-eyed monster. You’ll master how to handle jealousy in relationships this way!
8. Journal
If you don’t take anything from this article, please take this— a journal might be the difference you need to understand how to handle jealousy in relationships. I’m a sucker for journaling, and I’ll tell you why in a bit.
Journaling is a great outlet for your emotions. Can’t construe those thoughts and feelings into words? Then write it down. That’s the beauty of journaling.
Once that pen touches the paper and you’ve written the first few words, your feelings become unleashed like a family has been opened, and it becomes easier to sort through what you’re feeling.
Now, back to why I’m a sucker for journaling. Back when I was obsessing over the mystery woman who had been trying to feed my boyfriend at work, I decided to start journaling about how I felt. I honestly didn’t understand how I felt until my pen hit the paper.
Once it became clear, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. This was when I finally talked to my boyfriend about how I was feeling and why I felt that way. So, don’t be afraid to journal; it’s a great outlet for sorting through your thoughts, and you don’t even have to go back and read it!
9. Try Solo Activities
Maybe you need a little “you” time to overcome your jealousy. Trying out solo activities means going on solo dates and adventures. It’s a way of rediscovering your hobbies and giving yourself time to reflect on your emotions.
Losing your identity in a relationship is easy, but getting it back can be tough. When figuring out how to handle jealousy in relationships, don’t say no to solo dates. On a solo date, you can think, reassess your feelings, and learn something new about yourself.
A reason for jealousy in relationships is that sometimes we’re too used to our partner. Now, don’t quote me wrong; what I mean is that all you know is your partner.
Your identity outside your partner is almost non-existent, and seeing your partner being all chummy with someone who isn’t, you can really do a number.
It can feel like a betrayal and rear up that ugly head of jealousy within. In this case, the jealousy may not be directed at your partner being friendly with someone else. It could be jealousy that arises because your partner is friendly with someone else.
Deep down, you might want to be in their shoes too but have lost sight of the how. Well, you can regain that feeling of autonomy by trying out hobbies and activities you used to love. Trying out new things is also great.
10. Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries will save you! Every relationship needs boundaries. You and your partner must always define what’s alright and what isn’t. Doing so makes you one step closer to learning how to handle jealousy in relationships.
My boyfriend and I have set boundaries for ourselves as individuals and for our relationship as a whole. It’s nothing too crazy, but it just shows how much we respect each other and our relationship. Respect is a huge part of boundaries.
It’s one thing to set clear boundaries, and it’s another thing to obey them. Imagine having a man or woman who always flirts with everyone, not regarding how it would make you feel. This constant flirtation can show that they don’t respect you as an individual or as a partner.
Respect is crucial in every relationship. For boundaries to work, you need to respect each other. So, look into how much you and your partner respect each other as individuals and as a couple. This will really help you understand what kind of boundaries to set and the consequences of not respecting them.
At the end of the day, remember that respecting boundaries is reciprocal. As much as you want your partner to respect your set boundaries, ensure you’re respecting theirs, too!
Subheadings:
How To Stop Being Jealous And Insecure?
Dealing with the green-eyed monster can be incredibly stressful and challenging. It gets you annoyed and riled up, sometimes for no apparent reason! Let me share how I personally deal with jealousy and insecurities.
First, I like to know my triggers. If I’m feeling jealous or insecure, I try to pinpoint what is making me feel that way. Is it because I felt my partner was extra nice to that girl at the mart, or is it because I’m feeling left out? Knowing what makes you go crazy is very important!
Next, I always try to communicate. If I feel a certain way, I’ll always let my partner know. It might take me a while to work through my feelings, but I make it a point to let my partner know so he understands and can then reassure me.
Finally, please trust your partner.
Trust the love they have for you and the love you share. Letting your partner know how you feel is important because then they can reassure you and remove any doubts you have.
How To Handle Jealousy In A Relationship?
Handling jealousy in a relationship is easy. One way forward is to address those insecurities together. Speak about whatever bothers you because it greatly changes and clears up misunderstandings. You also need to set boundaries. There should be set boundaries you and your partner have for each other as well as for your relationship.
Lastly, be independent! Don’t rely on your partner for everything. When your existence is largely shrouded in your partner’s, it becomes harder to be independent, and their little interactions with other people can become a huge bother.
How To Stop Being Controlling And Jealous In A Relationship?
Resisting that urge to police your partner’s every move is crucial. You don’t want to be that person yelling, scratch that, growling “mine!” at the top of your lungs on a hot afternoon.
To stop being controlling and jealous in a relationship, you must identify your possessive tendencies. By identifying them, you can put a stop to them. You also need to respect your partner’s autonomy. They are a grown adult capable of making decisions by themselves.
When you disrespect their autonomy, you take away their independence and disrespect their boundaries.
Another helpful tip is to practice self-reflection. As they say, call a spade a spade. Know when your attitude is getting out of hand.
Don’t be afraid to call yourself out! Finally, replace that burgeoning need for control with empathy. Step into your partner’s shoes and see how your behaviour makes them feel.
How Do I Stop Being Jealous And Overthinking In A Relationship?
As a fellow overthinker, I totally understand your plight. The thoughts are a hundred times worse when you keep overthinking certain scenarios. You basically make up things out of nothing.
Personally, I like to challenge my negative thoughts. Sometimes, it feels as though my mind is pushing me to think beyond what there is. In those moments, I challenge those negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
I also practice self-compassion and self-care. I give myself a lot of grace. I affirm myself with positive words and thoughts and remember why my partner and I love each other.
Finally, I communicate! Good communication saves you from a lot of overthinking. If you feel a certain way, communicate it with your partner. Don’t be shy to explain how you feel. This will help you clear up any misunderstandings.
How To Express Jealousy In A positive way
You’re probably wondering if it’s even possible to express jealousy in a positive way. Well, it’s very possible! You can start by sharing your feelings and not dropping accusations. When you drop accusations, it means you’ve already made up your mind about the situation and assigned blame to your partner.
Next, you need to use “I” statements. I would never say, “You made me feel this way,” or “You are the cause of this.” I would always start my statements with how I feel. So I would say, “I feel this way,” or “I think this is this.” It’s a way of taking credit for how I feel rather than assigning blame.
Most importantly, end your discussions with a solution. The last thing you want to do is discuss an issue endlessly without proposing an actual solution. That issue will simply rise up again later.
Conclusion
Jealousy can really do a number on you and raise your hackles. If it isn’t controlled, it can be detrimental to your partner and the relationship as a whole. We’ve gone over some tips on how to handle jealousy in relationships. I hope you enjoyed this article and found some helpful tips to keep with you!
