An ultimate relationship guide on how to give your boyfriend space without affecting your relationship.
Make no mistake about this, a period will come in your relationship when your man starts acting sketchy and distant.
He may tell you he needs some space, he may tell you he needs time to gather his wits, he may tell you he’s emotionally unavailable but also insist on being fine, or he may just start keeping space without telling you anything.
If this rings true in your situation, I am certain you must be confused, tired, and probably panicky. You may be wondering if you have done or said something that upset him.
You may try to apologize to him, and even try to push him to open up to you, all to no avail. You may try to liven him, but it instead appears like everything you do worsens his mood.
But then, the truth is, men are sometimes complex and difficult to understand. They tend to process emotional hurdles in complicated ways.
When a man goes through difficulties, the last thing he wants to do is share them with another person. Instead, they retreat, push people out – even close relatives and friends – and try to come out of their mess alone.
You have no control over what goes on in a man’s head, you have no control over how he handles his mess, but you have absolute control over how you choose to respond to the situation.
The way you react can either help him find his feet quickly and return to the relationship or completely push him over the edge and out of the affair.
If you realize your man wants to have more time to himself, the first thing that should come to your mind is not how to pressure him into wanting you around again, but how to give your boyfriend space without affecting the relationship.
Before considering how to give your boyfriend space, however, you must understand when you actually need to give him space.
When Should You Give Your Boyfriend Space
As I mentioned earlier, men are a bunch of complicated creatures. Sometimes they might be all over you, wanting all of your attention and love. Other times, they may prefer to keep to themselves as they process certain emotions.
This might make some particularly uncomfortable questions begin to spring up within you. You might wonder. Does he truly love me? Does he only want me as a tool for sensual gratification? Does he not trust me enough to share his problems? Does he think I’m mentally incapable of understanding him?
While it is not wrong to ask these questions, too much self-questioning might result in self-doubt, and soon enough, your relationship might begin to experience so much unnecessary friction.
This is why it is sometimes best to just give your partner the space he needs by moving away for a while until he misses you enough to realize your importance in his life.
The trick here is achieving the right balance of distance and contact so that it does not affect your relationship.
Not only that, you must understand exactly how to give your boyfriend space. But first, you must know when you need to give him space. So, when do you give your boyfriend space?
1. Give Him Space When His Mood Is Sour
If you stay with your boyfriend, it is expected that you’ll spend a lot of time with him.
On some days, he might return home in quite a sour mood. You might try to cheer him up as expected, but if this does not work, then you should give him his moment alone.
Maybe he is mad at something that happened at work, at a project turning badly, at a problem he is unable to resolve, at an experience he encountered during the day, or at the relationship itself.
Whatever it is, when you find out that he is in an unusually lengthy sour mood, it just might be best to give him space.
Insisting on helping him might end up with him lashing out at you or saying some unsavory words in your face, words that may hit you hard and which he is bound to regret eventually.
To avoid this dicey situation, just steer clear until he is in a better place emotionally and is more open to having a conversation.
2. Give Him Space When He Is Stressed
Another perfect time you may need to give your partner space is when they appear overwhelmed and stressed out.
You might have gathered several tips on how to help your partner destress, but sometimes, the most immediate solution might just be giving them time to rest and recover.
So if he tells you he cannot hang out with you during the weekend because he is exhausted, or cancels a plan you already made together, don’t badger him over his lack of concern.
Be considerate enough to recognize he is human, especially when he looks all jaded. Give him his space, but also let him know that you’ll always be there when he needs you.
3. Give Him Space When The Relationship Feels Unstable
Do you know how interesting relationships are? Sometimes you and your partner may be head over heels in love with yourselves, yet somehow, you always seem not to agree on anything.
You are always caught in trivial arguments, your communication is strained, and your intimacy appears forceful.
During periods like this, it just might make sense to give yourselves a little break to rediscover your passion and align your interests once more.
A moment away from each other will calm you down and help you realize that a relationship requires way more than telling your partner that you love them.
A popular maxim says that absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you take some time apart, you gain a clearer mind to repair the loopholes in your relationship.
You also have more time to put things into perspective; reflect on your indifferences, and map out the best way to move forward in love and unity.
4. Give Him Space When He Fails To Listen To You
It is really difficult to give your partner space when you truly love them, but in certain situations, it could be the best way to show your love for them. One of such situations is when they consistently disregard your suggestions and refuse to take you seriously.
They always complain about you, and when you try to reason with them, they clam up and stop listening. You love them, but find it difficult to be around them because of the tense and uneasy mood. You can’t be yourself, instead, you are trying hard to please them.
All of these scenarios yell toxicity. If they are present in your relationship, you must take the initiative to ask your partner for some space even when they don’t.
Giving them space will not only help your mental health but may also be all they need to work out whatever is wrong with them and appreciate your value more.
Be sure to make them understand that you are making the decision for the good of the relationship and that you are always available when they feel ready.
But then, it is easier to give your partner space when you live apart from yourselves. Before generally considering how to give your boyfriend space, you need to know how to set some distance when you live together.
How To Give Your Boyfriend Space When You Live Together
There’s magic to giving your boyfriend space when you live together. Sure, the technique would be different if you live in different homes, but the process still revolves around the same thing – mental and physical distance. So, here are the best tips to help you give him space even while under the same roof.
1. Silence Is Golden
When Thomas Carlyle made the statement of silence being golden, part of what he meant was that it had the power to bail one out of awkward spots. When you are living with your partner, the best way to give them space is to keep your distance.
When you’re always around him, you could be tempted to talk to him at the slightest chance, and this could prove to defeat your resolve to give him space. If you decide to stay near him, then, you must remain conscious not to disturb or put him in unnecessarily awkward situations.
According to Amira Johnson, a relationship therapist and mental health expert at Berman Psychotherapy, it is best to remain silent if your partner gives the idea that that is what he wants.
“Rather than consistently asking your partner questions or speaking when their body language shows that they’re not in a space to talk, rest and allow your partner to take this time out of their day to hold space for nothingness,” he says.
If you and your partner are used to talking to each other, these large periods of silence might appear weird at first, but remember that it might be the perfect antidote for your relationship.
You don’t necessarily have to be idle or find every opportunity to stay away from your partner. The idea is to stick to your business until they feel okay enough to come around.
2. Create A Personal Space For Yourself
Another trick to help you keep your distance while living with your partner is to create a personal space in the house where you go whenever you need to. It could be a particular room or part of the house where you can feel safe, calm, and relaxed.
So anytime, your boyfriend gives a sign that he wants to be left alone, you have a comfort zone to retreat to.
Pining for his attention won’t help your relationship, so why not let him know you are attentive to his needs? This will work wonders for your relationship, trust me.
3. Tweak Your Schedule
If your current schedule means you and your partner have to do a lot of things together, it might be helpful to retweak it such that you become more responsible for yourself. This is another way to give him space while living together.
“Creating a schedule can help each individual feel as though they’re in a space where they’re creating a life with another person as a unit while still being grounded in their own individual human experience,” Johnson says.
You might want to include slots for visiting the gym, visiting friends, or going for a walk in your new schedule. This should give you a lease of fresh air as well as some much-needed personal time, especially if you desire to be away from your partner.
How To Give Your Boyfriend Space
The question, how to give your boyfriend space, is one so many women have asked or thought about at some point.
If you are reading this article to discover effective ways to give him space without letting your actions negatively affect your relationship, I have put down the best tips to help you achieve this.
1. If He Wants His Space, Give It To Him
The foremost tip on how to give your boyfriend space is to do it, by staying off.
However, you must be careful not to give the idea that you are fed up with the relationship. Does he want some time to himself? Not bad. Give him, but don’t just go absent.
For instance, if he isn’t interested in spending time with you like before, or he has stopped sending your nice texts during the day or calling to ask you about your day, don’t stress it.
Men are naturally egoistic, so if you try to push an agenda to pull him back by always doing the texting, calling, and checking in, he would get even more exasperated.
Make your plans, but let him know that he’s welcome to join in if he feels like it. I know it can be testing seeing your boyfriend adopt a nonchalant behavior towards you. Your worries and concerns are also valid. But chances are, it is just a phase as he works through his emotional concerns.
Give him some time to come back to his usual energy, and if he doesn’t change any time soon, it is okay to talk to him calmly about the changes you have observed in his attitude towards you. Ask him if he needs your help to sort his issues or if he needs his space. His answer will decide your next response.
If he opts for the former, show you are ready to do anything to help him. Ask him what he specifically wants you to help him with so that you can be certain you are doing the right thing.
If he opts for the latter, however, let him know you’d give him his space but that you will always be there for him when he needs you. This reassurance is bound to gladden the heart of any man and keep his mind fixed on you and the relationship.
2. If He Wants Space, Avoid Calling And Texting Him All The Time
The second tip on how to give your boyfriend space is to resist the urge to always reach out to him.
Once you’ve talked to him about what he wants and he says he needs some space, then you need to consciously work on your urges to talk to him every time. The emphasis here is on every time. Remember, you don’t want to push him out of the relationship entirely.
It is perfectly okay to let him know once in a while that you haven’t given up on him. A text that reads like “How are you doing, X? Remember, I’m always here if you need anything” will work just fine in this regard.
I know you must be itching to contact him and see how he’s getting along, but that would be defeating the idea of giving him space.
You are a priority as well, so focus on your immediate needs. Take care of yourself, have fun and engage in your hobbies.
Do the things you love doing. Make new friends and don’t limit yourself. Don’t appear desperate or insensitive by always calling him. You may be giving him more reasons to even avoid you.
3. Avoid Stalking Him On Social Media
It is normal to wonder the cause of your boyfriend’s desire for space. Maybe he tells you he’s just stressed and needs some time alone, but you feel there’s more to it. The human instinct is naturally piqued by little things, and you are no different.
In a bid to satisfy your curiosity, there is a tendency for you to follow him online. Yes, you may have agreed to give him space. You may have reduced the frequency with which you contact him, but are you giving him space on social media as well?
It is outrightly wrong to continue to spy on your boyfriend’s activities online to find out if there is a new development. You may find yourself scouring the comments on his posts and gauging the raunchiness of his responses.
This is wrong on all levels. Not only does it make you borderline creepy, but you are also doing damage to your mental health.
So, stop worrying about the girls commenting on his Instagram pictures. Don’t criticize him over his request for space if you see a picture of him drinking with his fellas.
Turn off any notifications you may have set on his Facebook and Twitter posts. You may like and comment on his posts once in a while, but don’t overdo it. You must honor his request for space both physically and digitally.
4. Don’t Attack Him With Accusations
This particular tip on how to give your boyfriend space is important, even more so if you desire to see your relationship functioning smoothly once more.
I get that it is difficult to accept the fact that your boyfriend desires to be away from you, especially when you know you have been the best of partners to him.
This feeling is disappointment, anger, and distrust may push you to throw insensitive, accusative questions at him, but don’t do it. Restrict the urge to badger him with questions about why he needs space.
What have I done wrong? What is going on with you? Did I do something wrong? Please talk to me! Did something happen to you? Do you really want me to go away? These are all emotionally charged questions that appear like an interrogation, so don’t ask them.
Chances are, he does not even know what he actually wants at that moment. He is torn between choices, but as is societally expected of a man, he is trying to remain in control of his actions and emotions. Give him some time and he will definitely open up to you about his concerns.
5. The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Chase After Him
You still love him and want him back, I get that. But believe me when I say you would never get him back if you continue to chase after him.
In fact, this will give the idea of harassment and desperation and will push him further away. He is overwhelmed, but you are still trying to place more burden on him. This is wrong.
As the first tip says, give him his space. Don’t go overboard with romantic gifts or gestures to win over his heart and get his attention. Don’t beg him to stay with you or threaten to leave him if he won’t have you in his life. Be compassionate and attentive to his needs.
6. Stop Focusing On Him, Focus On You
One last tip on knowing how to give your boyfriend space is to focus your time and energy on yourself.
Stop worrying about him, as this will make you disregard essential aspects of yourself. If he is truly meant for you, he will come around, and if he doesn’t, it is not the end of the world. Take it as a sign that he is not the right one for you.
Don’t do anything that will push him away. While giving him space, always remind him that you are always available.
But as I mentioned earlier, don’t do anything that would reek of desperation or frustration. Instead, use the opportunity to improve and set yourself in a better place physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Does Giving A Man Space Work?
Having considered how to give your boyfriend space, I must address the question of whether giving your boyfriend space works. Let’s face it, you will never know if giving your boyfriend space will work until you try it.
You don’t know what is going on in his head unless you ask. And if what he feels he needs to reset and set himself in the proper place is some space from you, by all means, give him and watch how things unfold.
You can never control everything that happens in your relationship, but you can give your best to make sure it works.
The time apart will afford you both the chance to work on your flaws. If your relationship is characterized by frequent fights, then giving each other some space will help you work on your differences and remember who you were before the relationship.
Conclusion
It may be perplexing when your boyfriend wants some space, but when you love someone, you must be willing to sacrifice anything to see that their needs are met.
Just so you don’t forget, the way you respond if your man asks for space goes a long way in determining how your relationship would pan out.
This article gives you top-notch insights on how to give your boyfriend space without affecting your relationship.
If you practice the lessons you have gained here, you will give him reasons to come back to you filled with renewed desire and vigor to fight for the success of the relationship.
Sharing is caring!
