So, your relationship hit the rocks, and you want to know how to get over a guy. First, you have to understand that getting over someone you love is a hard nut to crack. It hurts even more when you did everything right and still got jilted.
In some cases, you two may not have even been in a relationship. But you have an intense crush on him and told him. Only to find out that he is off the market. These scenarios can be heart-breaking, but you must realize that it is not the end of the world.
In this article, you will find recommendations to help you through this tough time. Ensure you follow these recommendations and, most importantly, know that there is no perfect trajectory to healing. Here are some of the tips.
1. Give Yourself Time
One of the mistakes many people make after a breakup or heartbreak is to think that their healing will be immediate.
And that is wrong. Even physical wounds take time to heal. How much more unseen emotional wounds?
Do not be in a hurry to get out there and start accepting propositions in the dating market. Do not look at others and attempt to mimic their lifestyle.
That your friend got over their ex in two weeks and was already in a new relationship in less than four weeks doesn’t mean you should do the same.
We all have different ways we react to hurt. We have different pathways to healing. So, do not beat yourself up if you realize you still miss him. Cut yourself some slack. It is not often a good idea to jump out with friends the next day to party and club, all in the bid to forget.
At best, what you would get is a hangover. And when the alcohol clears, you still come back to your pain. So, if you feel like crying, cry. Don’t bottle anything up. Spill it out and give yourself time to recover.
2. Accept What Happened
You probably want to know how to get over a guy who played you. And one of the important ways to do this is to accept what has happened. So, think back. What exactly transpired between you two?
Did you catch him cheating? Was it a case of him moving to another continent and not wanting to do a long-distance relationship? Did you love him, and he didn’t love you back? Did he suddenly fall out of love with you? You have to come to terms with what happened.
You have to accept that things went sour and that he is not coming back to you. Most times, when people get heartbroken, they refuse to accept what has happened. Instead, they keep hope alive, believing that one day the guy will wake up and come rushing back to them.
But this kind of hope is dangerous. It is detrimental to your mental health and can stunt your ability to move on with your life. The U-turn you are expecting rarely happens. He has been gone for months now. You have to pick yourself up.
Delaying the healing process will not help. It is challenging and brutal, but you can do it. Tell yourself the truth, and do not cling to empty hopes. Embrace reality and move on.
3. You Don’t Have To Be Friends
If you want to know how to get over a guy, you must learn how to stand your ground and do what is best for your mental health.
Most people say it is childish to choose not to be friends with someone who broke your heart. But that is wrong. It is not childish in any way. You must not be friends with him after the breakup.
If you cannot bear the thought or sight of seeing him with someone else or without you, you should get rid of that friendship.
Often, when people break up and become friends, it is either because they did not love themselves enough or because some feelings are still hanging around.
And if it is the latter, you may find it hard to move on. Can’t handle the sight? Please leave the friendship. If you two are friends on Facebook or Twitter, it would be best if you unfriend him.
The less you see him, the easier it becomes to move on. Love and feelings are often fuelled by presence. Get rid of him if he is still a presence in your life.
4. Talk To Someone About It
So, how do you get over a guy who ghosted you? Why not try talking with someone? One aspect of humanity that is slowly being eroded is vulnerability. Nowadays, people want to be strong. Everyone wants to be superhuman for no reason. And this is not how it should be.
Our friends and families are supposed to be our backbones and support systems. In hard times like this, they are the ones we should fall back on and get comfort.
So, if you are feeling heartbroken because of how a guy treated you, open up to someone. We should all have that one friend or family member that we can bare our hearts to.
Call up that person on the phone, visit the person and vent all of your heart out. When you meet this person who is your safe space, do not hide anything from them. Tell them exactly how you feel. Being this open and vulnerable to the right person does not make you weak.
It shows that you are strong enough to admit your feelings. You may get the urge to cry when telling someone how you feel. Please do.
You can rest assured that you will feel better after this honest talk and perhaps some tears. If you are heartbroken, talk to someone.
5. Get Rid Of Any Reminder Of Him
One of the vital things you need to do on the journey of learning how to get over a guy who hurt you is to get rid of anything that reminds you of him.
Of course, you cherish the time you spent with him. There were some of the best days of your life. But what do you want?
A constant reminder of what was and what should have been or a perfect chance to see what the future holds? If you are reading this article, you want the latter. So, make a move. Clear out your apartment of those gifts that are reminders.
Take out his special mugs, his cologne, boots and books. If there are tangible and valuable stuff he left at your place, mail them back to him.
Gifts and pictures are often lockets of memories. When you see them, you open gateways into the portal of memories you made with him. Start somewhere.
You can begin with your phone. Delete his contact. Delete your message history with him on WhatsApp and Facebook. Go to your gallery and delete all of the pictures of him or those you took with him. If you can do this, it means that you are slowly getting ready to let someone new in.
6. Meet With Others
So, you want to know how to get over a guy fast? Well, one of the things you have to do is to mingle with others.
Now that you have given yourself time to grieve and start your healing journey, you have also gotten rid of anything that reminds you of him and have also distanced yourself from him, then the next thing you should do is meet with others.
Sometimes, when we lose someone, it looks as if the person is the only one in the universe. It is as though your life revolves around them.
But here is the thing. The sky is not made of one star. There are a thousand stars that can illuminate your life. And how would you know if you do not take the chance to go out and meet with others?
Many people believe that there is just one person we are meant to be with in a lifetime, and if we don’t be with this person, no other relationship will work. Well, that is not true. You still have a host of others you can let in that can brighten your day.
So, go to the gym, to the grocery shop. Attend that party or wedding. Go for the reunion. Take yoga classes. Make new friends. You will find that more joys are waiting for you to experience.
When you do this, you are permitting yourself to live, laugh and love more. There indeed, is life after that guy. You have to step out and grab it.
7. Take Care of Yourself
Often, the bulk of what we do in a relationship is what would suit the other person. It is almost as if we live for our significant others in a relationship.
If this is you, perhaps the breakup is a perfect avenue for you to rediscover yourself. You have been dating that guy for two years, and he has chosen to walk. Are you going to walk out on yourself too?
If you want to know how to get over a guy, you should try taking proper care of yourself. When you do this, you will discover some joys you may otherwise have been blind to.
Do a little introspection. What are those things you love doing? Jogging, walking your dog, cooking, singing, writing?
These things may have been what you stopped due to the demands of your relationship. Well, it is time to start them again.
Have you considered taking music classes? Is there a musical instrument you want to master how to play? Why not sign up and start the lessons? You will feel fulfilled if you set these goals and smash them.
Another way to take care of yourself after a breakup is to travel. If you can afford it, try going where you haven’t been before. Let the beauty of the universe fill and surprise you.
8. Remember You Are Love-worthy
The human psyche plays a funny game during heartbreak. This happens even when you are not to blame for the breakup. You may see yourself blaming yourself for how things turned out. A million questions barge through your mind.
Did you not make love with him enough to cheat on you? Did you not embody all that he wanted in a woman?
Why did he leave you for your best friend? Was it something you did or said? Were you all over the place? Were you clingy and obsessive? Was he trying to catch his breath because you were over-smooshing him with love? Do you look fatter or thinner than he wanted?
These questions may come up and leave you confused. You could even start doubting if you are love-worthy.
Sometimes, it is even as though no one would ever love you again as the other person did. But this is not true. These things are tricks your mind is playing.
The human brain wants answers and always wants to fill in the gaps, so it brings up all of these suggestions and tries to trick you into believing them. But they are not valid. Except if you know you did something wrong that warranted the breakup, like cheating or dishonesty.
If this is not the case, have it at the back of your mind that you are love-worthy. You will still find love. Be kind to yourself. And be hopeful, too, because love will come again. The good things of the universe do not exhaust.
9. Forgive Yourself
We have all messed up. No one can claim to be exempt from messing up. So, if you did, know that it is normal. Yes, you read that right.
It is normal because messing up is a part of our genetic makeup. So, how do you stop having feelings for a guy after you messed up your relationship with him? Here are some things you can do if you find yourself in this situation.
I. Feel remorseful: This shows you are human and sorry for what you did. It is alright to feel guilty, especially if you are. Remorse will help you learn and ensure you do not repeat the mistake.
II. Apologize: The guy you offended may not want to see or hear from you again, but you have to find a way to say how sorry you are. The goal isn’t for you two to get back together.
The goal is for you to appease someone you hurt. If there is something you can do or say to lessen the burden of the hurt, do or say it.
III. Endeavour Not To Wallow In Shame: Yes, you did the unspeakable, feel sorry, apologize, but don’t kill yourself over it. Rise from the mistake and become better.
IV. Determine To Do Better: Now that you have discovered your errors, ensure you do not repeat them.
10. Do Not Reach Out To Him
You may have this question, ‘How do I get over a boy I love?’ One way to ensure you will get over him is by killing every means of communication.
Why? Because communication is what fuels relationships and, by extension, feelings. If you keep talking with him, you will not move on.
This cannot be over-emphasized. If the guy is done with the relationship, reaching out to him would be perfunctory because it will not change a thing. Instead, it will even give room for more heartbreak. He might say something that would break your heart the more.
This is also one of the reasons why it is not a must that you would remain friends with him after break up. Imagine that you see him update the picture of his new lover on WhatsApp or Facebook two months after your break up. How would you feel?
Especially if you are still working on getting over the whole episode. Seeing that will only stall your progress or even hold you back.
You may be tempted to reach out to him. Don’t. Some people even go as far as staging meetings. You already know where he goes for coffee in the morning, so you go there, hoping to see him and then acting surprised when you eventually do.
Some call their ex and pretend it wasn’t him they wanted to call. These tricks will not help you move past the hurt. They will only exacerbate it.
11. Learn From The Experience
You will be wiser when you eventually learn how to get over a guy that broke your heart. Here are some of the things you will learn:
I. You Can Give Your All, And It Still Won’t Be Enough
People are unpredictable. They make wild and surprising choices. Sometimes, heartbreak teaches us how fickle human emotion is.
You can do all you can, give your all, and compromise at all times, yet, the man’s heart would pine for another. The heart will always want what it wants; sometimes, we can be unlucky that it doesn’t like us.
II. Heartbreak Teaches Self-Reliance
When you are in a relationship, it is almost as if someone else is in charge of your happiness. Your mood is almost always dependent on the mood of the other person. There is always this emotional co-dependence in a relationship.
But breakups remind us that we can be our people, that we can be self-reliant, and that we can be in charge of our emotions. So, take the opportunity to build emotional strength and know that you owe yourself a duty to stand up for yourself first.
III. Heartbreak Teaches One To Place Value In Relationships
Sometimes, relationships end due to our carelessness and our way of not treating our loved ones with care and understanding.
Humans are indeed inherently flawed, but some are more flawed than others. And perhaps that is the reason why they don’t place value on their relationships. But when the relationship ends.
It is as though a scale has fallen off our eyes, and we suddenly see our mistakes. It should not be so, but this is precisely what happens. So, when next you get into a relationship, you know better what to do and what not to do.
12. See A Therapist
What better way to learn how to get over a guy than from a therapist? Therapists can also help you to navigate your heartbreak and put you on the path of healing.
If someone with a physical wound goes to a doctor, then it is only suitable for someone with an emotional injury to reach out for the help of a therapist.
In therapy, you have an unbiased ear that can listen to your outpour and help you find better ways to handle the breakup. The therapist will help you uncover toxic and damaging traits that may affect your relationships negatively and then help you cultivate new ones.
One of the best things about therapy is discovering an unbiased view of the event. Friends and family may be sentimental about telling you some harsh truths, but the therapist will dish out these truths. Again, you get the help you need in therapy to put yourself out there again.
It can even help boost your self-confidence. So, therapy is one option if you feel overwhelmed due to the breakup. Please take it.
CONCLUSION
So, here is the truth. This process of getting over someone you love is no mean feat. It is tasking, it is painful, but it is needful.
You cannot enter into another relationship with baggage from the previous one. If you do so, you cause both yourself and your new partner harm.
So, give yourself time and space to heal and get back on your feet. Remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to getting over the guy who broke your heart. Your friend’s trajectory after break up may or may not be similar to yours. So, take time, and good things will come.
Strong social connections helps us to navigate our stressors, solve problems and overcome challenges. It’s important to build and maintain the healthy relationships in your life, so take out time to read more and fill up your knowledge bank from the blog.
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