So, you two fought last night and ended up breaking up again. But now, you are sober and wondering, “Can a relationship work after several breakups?” Well, any relationship can survive if both parties decide to make it work. But, once the effort is one-sided, this will not work.
In this article, you will find tips on how to get your relationship back on track after a breakup. However, you must know that this will not be a walk in the park. It will require you to go all out and also give your all.
Can a relationship work after several breakups? A relationship can work after several breakups when you try as much as possible to avoid making the same mistake that causes you both to keep breaking up!
If you really want your relationship to work after a breakup, you have to take note of what causes you both to keep breaking up and tackle it. Let me show you how.
1. Take A Break
This might sound counter-effective, but if you are wondering, “Can a relationship work after several breakups?” the first step is to take a break.
Well, a good thing you both have broken up, so you have some time to yourself. What do you do this time? Think things through. Evaluate the relationship. What do you really want?
Do you want to get back together? Are you willing to put in the work required? Do you think the other person is still interested? What do you or will you gain from the relationship? What have you lost (or will lose) from the relationship? Is it worth it?
These are some of the questions that you need to answer as honestly as you can. You have to tell yourself these truths. If you check and discover that the relationship cannot serve or benefit you in any way, you may want to soft-pedal.
Don’t just jump back into the relationship without knowing these things. If you think you are not ready to work on the relationship, mourn and grieve as much as possible. And then look forward to another. If you are prepared to put in the work, then keep reading.
2. Improve Yourself
One of the things you need to do is improve yourself. You see, often, we spend a lot of time engaging with our significant other. Since they are no longer in the picture, you can use the time you used before to tend to your personal development.
One of the things I encourage someone who recently broke up is to travel if they can afford it. Travelling has a way of opening your eyes to the things you did not know. You also get to meet people, both the good and the bad. This will give you clarity, empathy and experience.
The next thing you can do is engage in something that you liked or participated in before the significant other showed up. So, go back to your dance class and learn. Go for that writing boot camp.
If you are a religious person, you can even take time off to recharge however your religion supports. Get back to whatever your hobby was before you met your partner.
3. Reach Out To Your Ex
This might be the most challenging part, but you have made up your mind to do the work, so here you go. You can reach out to your ex either by messaging or calling them. When you reach out to them, it is vital that you keep it smooth and confident.
Sometimes, you may not help but be nervous, which is normal. In this case, you can add humour to the mix. One of the good starters you can use when reaching out is using something they care about.
Let us assume your ex has an art gallery presentation in the works. You can ask them how the preparations are going and if there is any challenge they are facing.
This kind of approach will make you less nervous and deflect the pressure from you. There is often this temptation to push blame when you reach out.
Don’t do that. Talk to them and ask them if they want to meet for a harmless cup of coffee. Once you two decide to meet, then you are ripe for the next step.
4. Agree To Get Back Together
You are wondering, ‘Can a relationship work after several breakups?’ Yes, it can, but only if two parties involved are ready to put in the work.
Now, you and your ex have decided to meet in an open place. It is your job to make them see why you two should get back together.
Start by thanking them for agreeing to meet with you. Then go straight to apologizing for your role in the breakup. Your ex might be the one whose actions broke the camel’s back, but in every separation, the partners have their faults.
So, own up to your faults and then apologize. When you are done with the apology, you can get right to why you called them out.
Tell them first how much you enjoyed the relationship to pass this message. Tell them about the good times you both once had. Remind them of the reason why you two kept getting back together after several breakups.
Then propose that you two should get back again, and this time be intentional about it. If they agree to get back together with you, then go to the next step.
5. Identify The Problem And Tackle It
Here is another challenging step in the journey of getting your relationship back on track. Many things have happened, and it is time for you two to lay it bare and have frank conversations. Ask your partner to share what they think are your character deficiencies.
Please pay attention to the points they raise. Paying attention is very important because on-and-off relationships are often the products of mistakes that keep repeating themselves.
What is that thing your partner keeps complaining about? Late nights? Too much drinking? Not carrying them along when making important decisions?
Bring up the issues you have with them too. Do not hide anything. It is vital to note that for this to work, you two will have to accept your deficiencies and consciously begin to work on them.
When one party is working, and the other is chilling, it gives the impression that the other person is not interested in getting the relationship to work.
This particular part of getting the relationship to work is not a one-off event. It should extend into the relationship. Maybe your partner is fond of shouting at you when there is a disagreement, and you raised the point here. Don’t expect that their change will be instant.
There may be slip-ups. Your duty is to remind them of their promise to change and their resolve to talk calmly instead of shouting. You can be assured that this will immediately get them back to their senses.
6. Show Improvement To Regain Trust
You should know one thing when it comes to on-and-off relationships: It is hard to regain trust. I mean, you two had gone on and off several times.
And each time you two got back together, you promised to do something different. Yet it is only a countdown from your promise to the subsequent breakup.
When you come up with stories of getting back together and being a changed person, any right-thinking person would have doubts. And rightly so because, once beaten, twice shy. If you eventually get them to come back to you, the onus is now on you to keep your part of the bargain.
If it was infidelity that led to the breakup, you must show that you are done with those you are having an affair with. No hidden calls, no late-night conversations. No shady movements. You have to show that you are where you said you would be.
You will get back your partner’s trust when you keep doing this over time. Remember that regaining trust takes work, so give it time.
7. Communicate Effectively
Communication is often underrated, yet it is the bedrock of any relationship, whether the relationship is romantic, platonic or business-wise.
Communication is more than talking. It is not yelling and screaming at the top of your voice. You have to understand that if the other person does not understand what you are trying to say, the communication is ineffective.
If you notice that your partner is not doing what they promised, gently call them to order. Sometimes, men treat their partners as though they are children or subordinates.
This should not be. If you have any problem with something your spouse did, call them gently and speak to them as an equal. Yelling is always counter-productive.
For women, sometimes, in a bid to pass our points across, we resort to name callings and insults. And this always affects the ego of men.
It is also imperative to know when to correct your partner. It is not pleasant to have arguments with your partner in public. This isn’t very pleasant and belittles your partner.
8. Seek Help
Sometimes, we want our relationship to work, but we need to figure out how to go about it. You have tried your best, but it is not just working. But there is one thing you are sure of; you want this person. And you don’t want to break up again. So what do you do? Seek help.
There are some categories of people who you can seek help from. The first is couples who have stayed in a marriage for a long time. These are experienced and must have seen it all. Check on any senior couple you know and tell them your concerns.
Ask them what they had done to keep their relationship for that long. Ensure that the couples are friends and they care about you and your partner’s wellbeing.
You can also reach out to partners who have had breakups several times and are somehow still together. They are the perfect prototype to understudy. Ask them about their secrets and try them out.
Lastly, you may need the help of a therapist. Please find one of good repute and tell them what you are going through. Their suggestions could be the right thing you need.
9. Learn To Forgive
We currently live in a world that promotes cancel culture. We are always in a hurry to point out the wrongs, to point out the words that were not adequately worded and actions left undone. We come online to cancel people for errors they made.
This has even translated to our homes, where we are no longer tolerant of our partners and other family members. But then we forget that no one is infallible. No one is above mistakes. So if you are wondering, ‘can a relationship work after several breakups?’, the answer is yes.
You have to learn how to become more accommodating. If you want that relationship to work, you have to know how to overlook certain shortfalls, especially if they are not detrimental. There is no point in being overly sensitive.
Second, you have to learn how to forgive and let go. Forgiveness is not just for your partner but also for you if you do something wrong. What most people need in their relationship isn’t more love but more kindness.
How Many Breakups Are Normal In A Relationship?
One may ask, ‘how many breakups are normal in a relationship?’ Well, there is no number that is normal or abnormal.
However, it is essential to note that breaking up several times shows a lot of things about the relationship.
I. It Shows That You Two Are Willing To Work Things Out:
Multiple breakups show that there is a fighting spirit in there somewhere and that you two don’t want to let go easily.
I say this because, sometimes, when breakups happen, and the couple gets back together again, the relationship often improves.
II. It Shows That Someone Isn’t Giving Their All
Alternatively, breaking up several times is also an indication that someone is not really into the relationship. It shows that just one person is interested in moving the relationship forward. And this is especially true if the reason for the breakup is the same every single time. And this is sad.
Does No Contact Work After Multiple Breakups?
So, does no contact work after multiple breakups? The no-contact rule works even after multiple breakups.
But first, what is the no-contact rule? This rule states that you should stay away from your ex for at least 30 days if they dumped you.
During this period, there is no contact, either physically or otherwise. The goal is to make them miss you and run right back.
This rule works if the man that dumped you is in love with you. Perhaps he has tried coping without you and did not succeed. Don’t be surprised if he shows up at your door.
However, if the ex that dumped you is tired of the multiple breakups, they might decide not to reach out even if they miss you. Instead, they distract themselves with something else and then move on to someone else who would take them seriously.
Can Breaking Up Strengthen A Relationship?
But can breaking up strengthen a relationship? Breaking up can actually strengthen a relationship. Breakups are not funny.
They are hurtful experiences, but sometimes we need those experiences to learn what is good for us. Sometimes we take things for granted and won’t give them the required attention till we lose them.
This is perhaps one of the things a breakup helps us to see: It causes us to go into reflection and allows us to see how our lives have been with the other person.
After the reflection, we may now see that we had messed up and start seeking a way to get back and make up for our mistakes.
Often, when this happens, you see that the two partners will start working hard on their selves. So, yes, breaking up sometimes is needed so we can see clearly and also make better decisions.
Can Couples Get Back Together After Months Apart?
You may be wondering, ‘Can couples get back together after months apart?’ Yes, couples can indeed get back together after months apart.
In fact, it is normal for such a thing to happen. There are many stories of couples who separated for months and even years without contact.
Only for them to run into each other and hit off again. From meeting surprisingly to becoming friends and learning each other again and finally to becoming an item.
So, if you still love your partner and are sure they feel the same way, you can give reconnection a try. Be sure, though, that the other person is on the same page to avoid being heartbroken by the same person twice.
Once you two eventually decide to come back together, the first thing you people need to do is to ensure that the reason why the breakup happened in the first place does not happen again.
Then, pinpoint your problems and tackle them one after the other. Note that if the issue that caused the last breakup was not handled, it would happen again.
Is It Normal To Break Up Multiple Times?
After seeing couples go on and off for a long time, some people are forced to ask, ‘Is it normal to break up multiple times?’ And the answer is yes. It is totally normal for couples to undergo breakups multiple times. But that it is normal does not mean it is ideal. It really isn’t.
It is a sign of a dysfunction lying somewhere, and it has to be tackled, or the breakup will keep happening till the couple eventually experience the straw that will break the camel’s back. So, if you are in this situation, ask yourself if you feel safe and mentally healthy going back to the relationship.
Is the relationship worth all the stress you are going through? If you think it is, then you have to sit with your partner and have a frank talk. Then, you two should discover the root of your problem and make sure the reason for the breakups does not reoccur.
Do Dumpers Come Back?
So, do dumpers come back? Oh! Yes, they do come back. You see, in human relationships, nothing is certain.
Anything can happen. Dumpers can come back, but the statistics are not very favourable if you are hoping to get back the person that dumped you.
It is estimated that 30-45 % of dumpers come back, and to make matters even grimmer, only 15% of that number actually go on to have fulfilling relationships.
But then, these are statistics. The matter of the heart sometimes defies statistics. If, eventually, the person who dumps you comes back, you have to ensure that they are serious about doing a relationship with you.
You also have to make them know that they cannot just walk in and out of your life anyhow they want. Lastly, you two have to work hand in hand to ensure that whatever caused the dumping in the first place doesn’t repeat itself. With these measures in place, you can rest easy and enjoy your relationship.
Conclusion
There are lots of things to take away from this article. The first is that breakups are normal, yes, even multiple breakups. Now, can a relationship work after several breakups? Absolutely. But then, for it to work, it means the two parties involved have to put in the work.
When the work is left to one person, success will be far-fetched. Note that whenever an ex comes back, ensure that you two address the reason for the initial breakup. Remember, even though several breakups are normal, it is not ideal, hence the need to work on your relationship to avoid that.
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