Intimacy is a vital part of romantic relationships, but the sad reality remains that, at some point, couples who have been together for a considerable length of time start to get less intimate and their sensual lives begin to experience a drain.
If you feel like your sensual relationship with your partner has gone or is going cold, or you think your sensual activities are rather lacking intimately and emotionally such that you are wondering how to increase intimacy in a relationship, you are on the right track.
Knowing how to increase intimacy in a relationship is a two-way process. The first step is admission, while the second is taking action. If you are still reading down to this point, it means you are admitting your intimate life with your significant other needs a spice.
This article will cover points on how to be more intimate with your wife, how to be more intimate with your boyfriend, how to be more intimate with your girlfriend, and generally, how to be more intimate with your partner.
But before delving right into the actions you need to take to revive your intimacy, I will like to properly explain what intimacy is and the existing types of intimacy.
What Is Intimacy?
In clear, simple terms, intimacy means showing vulnerability and allowing honesty to guide your relationship. It means you are ready and willing to show the most private parts of yourself to your partner.
Intimacy means discarding your Ideas or personal opinion of who your partner is or how your partner must behave, while understanding and accepting their reality.
Some people misconstrue intimacy for knowing how to deal with a person going through tough times. But according to Los Angeles-based Psychotherapist, Alyssa Mancao, intimacy must not be confused with trauma bond. As she opines, “A healthy bond can’t be built on shared trauma alone.”
It is important to understand that while getting down with one’s partner is a great way to feel close and get intimate, intimacy provokes a deeper desire to build the emotional connection you share with your partner. As mentioned earlier, intimacy means being honest; showing your partner all sides of you, even your most vulnerable parts.
What this implies is that to get intimate with your partner, you must start by embracing and loving yourself. You must accept who you are and be clear about what you bring to the relationship. Only then will you be able to transmit your energy to your partner and make them come to cherish and connect with you.
What Are The Types Of Intimacy?
There are basically four types of intimacy – emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical intimacy.
1. Emotional Intimacy
This particular type of intimacy involves investing in each other’s feelings. When your partner is anxious, you also experience it in some way. When your partner gets a promotion at work, you are the to commend them, and when they experience a failed project, you are also there to console them.
For the most part, emotional intelligence means showing your partner you care about their well-being. It means assuring them that you will always support them during the good, bad, and ugly times.
2. Mental Intimacy
The only thing that differentiates mental intimacy from emotional intimacy is that this one revolves around shared interests. Mental Intimacy means sharing a connection with your partner’s likes, habits, and values.
It means taking an interest in the book they read or film they watch, talking about shared philosophies, or engaging in hobbies that enlivens them. As Mancao puts it, “You know you’re engaging in mental intimacy when you’re lost in thoughtful conversations with your partner.”
3. Spiritual Intimacy
You don’t necessarily need to share the same beliefs to create a spiritual connection. You only need to respect and support your partner’s beliefs. Don’t ridicule them, don’t chastise them, and don’t demean them. What you need to do is simple: honor their spiritual values.
4. Physical Intimacy
I know you are probably smiling at the thought of sweet, passionate bedroom activities, but this is not only what physical intimacy is about.
Yes, it involves creating time for sensual activities, but it is more than that.
You must also strive to create a romantic connection. This will add more meaning to your sensual lives.
Now that you are aware of what intimacy entails and the types of intimacy out there, it’s time to understand the steps or actions that will teach you how to increase intimacy in a relationship. We have curated ten of these steps, starting with redefining your original viewpoint on intimacy.
1. Redefine Your View Of Intimacy
Most people set out for relationships with a particular idea of what intimacy should be. These ideas are formed from observations or their previous experiences, but then shape their preferences or sensual interests in a relationship. Some people’s preferences may be based on the emotional aspect of intimacy while others may be more open to the physical aspect.
Sadly, many of them are unable to transmit their preference or thoughts of what intimacy should be to their partners and therefore struggle to gain intimate satisfaction from them. In the long run, these issues can cause sensual awkwardness and create tension in the relationship.
If this experience is similar to yours and you are wondering how to increase intimacy in a relationship, start by relaxing. Understand that intimacy could mean different things to different people, and perhaps you are struggling to hit it off with your partner because their meaning doesn’t align with yours.
Have an honest conversation with them where you must be open-minded to redefining your views of intimacy. Once you both are on the same page, you can be certain the intimacy in your relationship will experience a natural boost.
2. Engage In Honest And Deep Conversations
You cannot reach into the mind of your partner or allow them to see your vulnerability without honest and deep conversations. Communication is vital in any relationship and is even more significant if you are trying to improve your intimacy.
Create time to sit with your spouse or lover and discuss your special interests and desires. And while at it, endeavor to listen attentively and bare your thoughts honestly.
Ask questions, seek clarifications, make suggestions. Your conversation may be serious and awkward since it would be revolving about your sensual and emotional needs, but it needs to be had.
I have created a list of some important and serious questions you can ask your partner to connect on a whole deeper and better level.
I am going to place more emphasis on the importance of being truthful and honest while having this conversation. This is because if you are unable to tell your partner what you truly need because you are scared they might misinterpret you or it might hurt their feelings, you would be unable to successfully treat the elephant in the room.
However, if you can complete these intimate conversations with your partner without hitting any nerves, they can help you and your partner sensually and intimately satisfy yourselves without having to second-guess the other person’s preference.
3. Improve Your Intimacy With New Experiences
Another tip on how to increase intimacy in a relationship is by spicing up your affair with new experiences. It is possible for the love in an affair to wane when couples strictly follow a routine.
If your rut is restricted to the bedroom, you can step out of it by turning to new sensual models, positions, or locations If the rut concerns your relationship generally, then try to engage in new couples’ activities.
Go on date nights together, short camp trips, or create a space in your schedule to have a tour of your favorite place. This will give you more time to yourselves and help you build a deeper and stronger emotional connection.
Additionally, you can be more expressive of your feelings towards each other. Not only should you tell them what they mean to you verbally, but also show them their worth through other commendable non-verbally actions.
Prepare their favorite meal, give them a massage before they go to bed, help with their projects, etc. These and others are a great way to practice intimacy.
4. Take Things Slowly Sometimes
If you are wondering how to build intimacy with a man or how to increase intimacy in a relationship, sometimes, your best bet might be to take things slowly. Some people are more expressive with their sensual needs, while others may require more time and patience before they can properly express their needs.
If your man is more of the latter, you need to learn to reduce the tempo by slowing down the conversation when it concerns your sensual desires.
Don’t rush him and lambast him for not being caring enough. Choose instead to enjoy the special connection you share, and gradually he will feel comfortable enough to come out of his shell.
5. Create A Love Map Together
How can I increase my marriage intimacy?
This is one question I have come across so many times while surfing the web. There are several ways to spice up your intimacy with your husband or wife, but one exciting way is to create a memorable love map that carefully explores your partner’s preferences and interests.
To do this, ask specific questions about what they like in bed and what they detest. Depending on your partner’s personality and the structure of your relationship, choose questions that they will be comfortable answering and which will allow them to give a comprehensive response.
You can ask questions like, What excites you sensually? What fulfills your sensual desires more? What felt good last time? What don’t you like in bed?
With a love map, you can elevate the intimacy in your marriage to a more enviable position. You will gain a better understanding of your partner – things to avoid and things to focus on – and can effectively satisfy them while bridging any existing gaps between you two.
6. Starve Off Distractions
Your partner deserves your full attention, so while I’m not saying you should get disconnected from the outside world, devote time squarely to your partner once in a while, especially when you are having intimate conversations.
Place your phone in silence mode, drop work issues at work, and focus on giving your partner the necessary pleasure they desire.
7. Don’t Be Scared Of Lowering Your Guard
One vital tip on how to increase intimacy in a relationship is letting yourself become vulnerable.
Show your partner your hidden angles and they would be more open to showing your theirs. Of course, it’s not so easy to expose yourself – including your thoughts and feelings – because of the fear of being judged. But if you can’t feel safe around your partner, who then would you feel safe around?
Apart from this, maintain eye contact when making out. This is very useful in creating and strengthening romantic connections. It may be weird at first, but you would eventually grow into it.
8. Relive Exciting Old Memories
Knowing how to increase intimacy in a relationship equips you and your partner properly to face any rough moment in your relationship. We know that one reason relationships die is because of a change in attitude, feelings, or behavior. But when you continue to fan the embers of the love you share for yourselves, you’d be able to build a connection that would last.
One way to do this is to visit old, sweet memories in your love history. Pull out your wedding memories. Look through the exciting pictures, re-read your vows and notes, laugh at his awkwardness when he first asked you out.
If there’s a video of him proposing, rewatch it together. Reminisce your most treasured dates. These are defining moments of your relationship and are especially significant in keeping your intimacy alive.
9. Learn To Love Yourself
You cannot improve your intimacy without learning to love yourself; it begins with you. Imagine the scenario of a blind man leading another blind man. It’s hilarious right? Well, it applies to you as well. A person who has not known love cannot love.
Ensure you are in the right place yourself before trying to build your partner. Take care of your emotional well-being because you cannot be there for your partner if you are at your worst.
10. Don’t Be Bound By Expectations
Expectations are limiting. They restrict you and reduce your ability to experience true intimacy. As explained during the buildup of this article, don’t allow your preconceived notion of intimacy to restrict how you display love in your relationship.
Don’t let other’s ideas of intimacy affect how you structure your relationship. Flow with your partner, and if you happen to have a particular way you like to be loved, by all means lovingly let your partner know.
The key to improving the sensual intimacy in your relationship depends on the emotional connection you share with your partner both inside and outside the bedroom.
While communication and honesty are important, these actions above on how to increase intimacy in a relationship will help you develop a strong, intimate bond with your partner that will stand the test of time.
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