While love is the fuel that drives a relationship forward, respect is the foundation on which it thrives. What this indicates is that love is not just enough to guarantee a peaceful and happy romantic relationship, neither is it enough to make marital relationships last longer.
Instead, a foundation characterized by mutual respect is equally as important, if not more important.A relationship where one party does not imbibe the feature of respect is only teetering on the brink of disaster.
He/she may claim to love you deeply and you know he/she does love you, but if he doesn’t accompany his/ her love for you with respect, then he doesn’t deserve to be with you.
Eventually, such a relationship will be filled with fights and unhealthy accusations which can only result in discontentment.
As I have mentioned several times, every relationship will have its fair share of arguments and misunderstandings, but unless the couples involved can respectfully find a way to resolve their differences and reach a compromise, such relationships will eventually collapse. It is just a matter of time.
Yes, going on fun dates, matching or recognizing each other’s love language, having a shared sense of humor, making time for each other and other healthy relationship pointers will take you far, however, there is nothing as pertinent as having respect in the relationship. I am certain you are wondering what the signs of disrespect in a relationship are. But don’t worry, I will get to those in a bit.
According to prominent clinical psychologist, Dr. Carla Marie Manly, “Respect is an important component of every healthy relationship, yet it’s absolutely critical for the long-term success of a romantic relationship.
She adds that “When a sense of solid respect is present, partners tend to feel more appreciated, seen, and safe in the relationship. When respect is not present, partners will tend to feel wary, angry, and deeply resentful.”
You do not need a soothsayer to recognize the obvious danger disrespect poses to healthy relationships. It reduces the intensity of the love, loosens the bond, and lessens the passion that holds your affair together.
As such, you must be willing to not only recognize the signs of disrespect in a relationship but also work to change the dynamics if these signs are synonymous with your relationship.
Before moving into the signs of disrespect in a relationship though, what is respect, and what does a disrespectful relationship look like?
What Is Respect And Why Is It Important In A Relationship?
The first thing you learn about respect is that it is reciprocal. That is, you give to receive. If you are only giving without receiving or receiving without giving, the scale of respect in your relationship is not balanced.
To respect someone means that you accept them for who they are, even when you don’t agree with them and/or their ideas.
Some people might make the flimsy excuse that their lack of respect stems from the way they are psychologically wired. That is, that they naturally do not know how to show respect.
But this is entirely wrong. Respect doesn’t come naturally, it is a feature you intentionally learn or acquire. It is a compromise you must be ready to reach if you really love your partner to preserve the fire in your relationship.
At this point, I must clarify that respect in a relationship does not mean you will not encounter differences. It means you would have the mental awareness to listen to the ideas or grievances of the other party even if they do not conform to yours.
It means you would be willing to work towards a mutual understanding that will ensure your differences do not affect the healthy flow of communication in the relationship.
In simple terms, respect in a relationship means treating the other party with the ultimate consideration they deserve. It means you do not shout at them or make vilifying remarks about them unreasonably.
It means you do not under any circumstance physically attack them or publicly humiliate them. All these actions signify a lack of respect.
And if you are wondering why you should respect your partner, then understand that respect in relationships builds feelings of trust, loyalty, and safety – all signs of a healthy relationship.
How Do You Tell If A Guy Disrespects You?
How can you tell if someone is disrespectful? In other words, how do you tell if a man disrespects you? For starters, it is important to have a mindset that furthers the idea that you are valuable and have a right to be respected in a relationship.
Some men are not only vicious but also manipulative. They prey on women’s vulnerability and make them feel like they are lucky to be loved and must do the man’s bidding without questions.
If you feel like something is amiss with the way your boyfriend or husband treats you, it is important for you to critically evaluate that relationship.
Think about your feelings. Do you feel caged, controlled, exploited, or manipulated? Don’t stop there. Analyze how your partner treats you. Is he unkind to you? Does he say gross and hurtful things to you? Does he belittle and try to make you feel like you do not exist? Does he lecture you with disregard?
Does he know or remember basic things about you he is supposed to? Does he recognize and respect your boundaries? Do you feel heard in the relationship, or does he talk over you and dismiss you at his will? Does he make you feel loved or unworthy?
If after your evaluation the facts show that you are being disrespected, then it is time for you to make a very important decision – not driven by emotions – about whether or not you are in the right relationship.
Having treated all these, it is time to move right into the signs of disrespect in a relationship. So, without taking more time, here are six signs of disrespect in a relationship. Get your notepad as I walk you through.
1. They Don’t Listen To You
If your partner consistently interrupts you, ignores you, or makes sardonic attempts to complete your sentences, it shows a massive presence of disrespect for you. They are sending a statement that says “what you have to say is unimportant, so just listen to me!”
This is rude and challenges the progressive status of every form of relationship, not just romantic ones. For relationships to thrive, there has to be a healthy flow of end-to-end communication. By end-to-end, I mean both parties have to be actively involved in the communication process.
Both parties have to feel heard and understood, and no party must be taken for granted. When you treat your partner with disdain by acting like their views don’t matter to you, you are only killing the spark in the affair as well as the respect they have for you, and over time, this would translate to a broken relationship.
2. They Have Issues With Respecting Your Boundaries
No matter the openness and flexibility that surrounds your relationship, every human has boundaries that must be respected even by their romantic partners. If your boyfriend shows an obvious attempt to ignore this, it means he does not respect or value you.
Healthy relationships thrive on creating and respecting each other’s boundaries. They might feel you are the most important person in their lives so they must have unrestricted access to every part of your life, but that is not the case.
If they make insistent sensual advances even when you have made it clear you are not interested, if they try to invade your personal space and infringe on your private liberty, or if they continue to broach a topic you have made them aware you don’t feel comfortable discussing, these are signs of disrespect in a relationship which you must weed out before it gets late.
3. They Unflinchingly Lie To You
Lies and dishonesty are some of the reasons behind the breakdown of many relationships today. A relationship lacking in truth and trust can only last a while. Sooner rather than later, the bricks of lies would crumble, taking the relationship along with them.
When a partner is remorselessly dishonest, it shows they have no regard for how their actions affect you and are only concerned about their selfish interests. And come to think of it, if a person does not care about you, how then can they respect you?
With time, the lies get personal and flow naturally such that you find yourself doubting every piece of information that comes out of their mouth. And once a relationship is clouded by doubts, there can only be one outcome.
4. He Lectures You In The Relationship
One of the signs of disrespect in a relationship manifests itself in how your boyfriend or husband talks to you. Yes, no one is perfect and once in a while, your actions might strike a wrong chord.
When this happens, how does he react? Does he respectfully point out your flaws, or does he yell, demean and even lecture you in an attempt to correct you?
If your boyfriend is being disrespectful, his reactions will be often extreme. For instance, instead of calmly telling you not to text when you are both talking, he will lash out at you inconsiderately and blame you for the problems in the relationship.
5. They Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You
A relationship is supposed to be a safe haven. It is expected to be a space where you can open up to your partner and expose your inner demons without fear of being judged.
So if your partner ever uses your flaws or insecurities against you to either hurt or get one over you in an argument, that’s one of the most potent signs of disrespect in a relationship.
You need shelter against your fears; you need strong shoulders to lean on during your weakest moments. What you don’t need is an uncaring, sadistic, and selfish partner who would throw you under the bus when you need them most. If this is what you have now, you might want to explore your options going forward.
6. They Ignore You And Refuse To Take Responsibility For Their Actions
How does your partner behave whenever conflicts arise in your relationship? Does he shut down, isolate you and give you the silent treatment? If he does these, they are signs of disrespect in a relationship.
Yes, everyone is allowed to keep to themselves following a disagreement and ponder over the details of the argument. But this phase, while normal, is only expected to last for a brief moment. If the silent treatment continues days and even weeks after the argument, this is a red flag to be conscious of.
Can A Relationship Survive Without Respect?
In clear, simple terms, No! Without respect there can be no real love, and without real love, there is no relationship. His love and respect for you will make him give you the requisite space and independence to make important decisions.
His love and respect for you will move him to support your ambitions, career goals, initiatives, and opinions instead of ignoring your ideas and objections. His love and respect for you will make him tell you the truth always even if it means not getting his way.
A normal, healthy relationship must not feel like a cage or a scam. It must not drain your confidence, reduce your dignity, quieten your voice or make you feel exploited
. It must provide a space that makes you feel emotionally and physically safe; one that allows you to learn from mistakes and bring out the best in the other person.
If your current relationship lacks a majority of these, if you find yourself struggling to maintain your mental sanity, if you find yourself feeling used, manipulated, and disrespected, then you need to start making concrete decisions about the future of your relationship as it definitely will not survive the test of time.
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