15 Signs Of An Obsessive Boyfriend That Is Toxic

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It is not always easy to identify the signs of an obsessive boyfriend in a relationship. This is because, in the game of romance, affectionate concern is a form of expression of love that is natural and even necessary.

However, there is a fine line that clearly enunciates the difference between healthy, loving closeness and possessiveness, jealousy fits and clinginess that borders on obsession.

Recognizing and understanding these signs of an obsessive boyfriend is very important because it affects the very foundation and health of a relationship.

It can be the deciding factor on whether or not a relationship will continue. When the lines of romance exceed affection and slip into controlling behaviour, it is a solid red flag in itself and must be checked.

In addition, these signs can help you navigate the complexities of a romantic relationship and measure them against your values and preferences.

We also understand that all relationships are not the same, but the signs of an obsessive boyfriend are far from unique.

When you really know what to look for, the signs are glaring enough to see. Read further to see the signs of an obsessive boyfriend.


1.  Constant Texting And Calling

Constant calling and texting are definitely signs of an obsessive boyfriend. If your boyfriend bombards you with calls and texts, trying to ascertain at every point where you are, what you are doing, and with whom, it is often evidence of his controlling nature.

Men who act like this usually have a baggage of insecurities and have a deep sense of fear of abandonment and detachment. They need to be constantly reassured of their position and importance in your life.

Staying connected and being in constant communication as a couple is very important because it fosters growth in that relationship.

To act otherwise will surely spell doom for that relationship. However, insist that the lines be drawn at constant calling and texting.

Tell your partner how uncomfortable it makes you, and find out why they do it, so you can both get to the root of the matter and reach an amicable agreement.


2.  He Monitors Your Social Media Activities

If your boyfriend is in the habit of monitoring your social media activities religiously, it may be a sign of obsession. There is a depth of paranoia that comes with insecurities in a relationship.

When a person thinks they are not good enough for their partner or thinks less of themselves in any way, it can provoke this behaviour.

Such insecurities create an often compulsive need to keep track of the conversations and connections of a partner, and the slightest suspicion could lead to an eruption of jealousy.

In such cases, an obsessive boyfriend may not only keep track of your social media activities from his own end, but he may also go as far as checking out those who actively engage in your posts.

Undoubtedly, when these signs of an obsessive boyfriend begin to manifest, they lead to an invasion of privacy and clinginess in such a way that makes their partner feel suffocated.


3.  Excessive Jealousy

When one is not confident and secure in their partner’s love, they often feel the need to stake their claim over their partner whenever they feel threatened. It is terrible how much damage insecurities can cause for an individual and then in his relationship too.

Due to the fact that he has not sorted out his personal self-worth issues, it spills over and begins to poison the way he relates with his partner and his reactions, even in totally harmless scenarios.

The signs of an obsessive boyfriend are often displayed in acts of excessive jealousy, especially when you are out with your boyfriend among other people.

It is almost as if he fears that your interaction with other people will open your eyes to see others as worthier than he is and make you entertain their attention instead.

He is afraid of losing his place in your life, and so he seeks to control the situation by aggressively asserting his position in your life to anyone he perceives to be a threat, even in the slightest.


4.  Isolating You From Friends And Family

An obsessive boyfriend may also attempt to keep you away from your family and friends. The twisted logic behind this is to keep your focus on him and away from other people.

The need to keep you isolated and all to yourself is a very dangerous one and shouldn’t be ignored or allowed. This is because such behaviour while being one of the signs of an obsessive boyfriend, is also a measure to gain total control and dominance over you.

As you become increasingly dependent on him, as a result, he can begin to unleash cruel measures to keep you subservient and unopposed because he has cut you off from every other channel of support.

If you find yourself in this situation, isolate yourself from your boyfriend and seek the safety and support of your family and friends.

Let them in on what is going on so that they can be there for you in case he tries to manipulate you into doing his wishes.


5.  Demanding Detailed Accounts Of Your Day

While it is normal for partners to share details of their day with each other, it becomes problematic when such details are demanded in a bid to control.

The signs of an obsessive boyfriend manifest in the constant and incessant demand for the details of your day by your boyfriend.

He doesn’t ask or listen lovingly but demands to know everything about how you spend your day and with whom in order to ascertain that you’re not slipping from his grip.

This behaviour clearly emanates from a desire to control and keep you to himself. An obsessive boyfriend needs to be reassured that you haven’t been swept off your feet by another man, so he listens out for anything he considers to be a threat as you recount the details of your day.

This will no doubt lead to problems in the relationship because it encroaches on the individual autonomy of the victimized partner and threatens their sense of privacy.


6.  Constant Accusations Of Infidelity

An obsessive boyfriend would be so troubled by his insecurity issues that some of that will definitely spill on you. He doesn’t think much of himself and thinks he doesn’t have what it takes to be with you.

Because of this mentality, he may subject you to frequent accusations of infidelity, whether there is evidence to prove his claim or not.

Once he feels threatened, perhaps because of your conversation or friendship with a guy, he takes it out on you and accuses you of having an affair.

The relentless suspicion will soon wear you out, and you will feel emotionally exploited because you spend so much time walking on eggshells to avoid being accused of cheating on your boyfriend.

This will definitely affect your functionality at work and other areas of your life because such toxicity easily breeds self-doubt and frustration.


7.  Controlling Nature

Obsessive behaviour often begins as an imposing drive to control, where your boyfriend tries to dominate and dictate the direction of your decisions, actions, and even communication with other people.

The desire to maintain an influence over you is often borne out of the fear of losing you to another and is one of the signs of an obsessive boyfriend.

Beyond himself, an obsessive boyfriend thinks that only external circumstances can convince you to quit the relationship and leave him.

Since he can only control the internal factors on most days, he tries to limit your exposure to those external factors he has little control over, if at all. Here, he attempts to restrict your friendships, choices, and activities. He might also try to inhibit your growth as an individual on the grounds that you may outgrow him.


8.  Manipulative Behavior

Obsession often drives a person to employ drastic measures such as manipulation. A person like this would use manipulation as a tool to maintain control over the relationship.

The point of manipulation is to keep you emotionally shackled to him and so dependent that you would lose your ability to seek help outside him. These are the signs of an obsessive boyfriend.

The various ways an obsessive boyfriend can manipulate you include emotional blackmail, such as using your weaknesses and vulnerabilities against you in order to keep you docile and compliant.

He may also guilt-trip you or coerce you to do something he wants by playing on your emotions. The norm in healthy relationships is that partners protect and guard each other’s emotional integrity and cherish their vulnerabilities with real affection.


9.  Extreme Sensitivity To Your Actions

An obsessive boyfriend may also be sensitive to every action you take and every word you say. He turns over your words and actions in his head, searching for anything that even remotely suggests that you don’t approve of him or that you fancy someone else.

Their reaction to your words and actions is a reflection of their self-centred concentration and their primary occupation while ensuring that you don’t entertain ideas of leaving them.

The signs of an obsessive boyfriend include this display of over-sensitivity and intense show of emotions that is not at all commensurate to the words or actions they respond to.

This is also a sign that he is nursing a deep-rooted fear of losing you or being abandoned by you. Even when you reassure him constantly, he cannot be satisfied with any conclusion other than his own.


10.  Overstepping Personal Boundaries

An obsessive boyfriend has no regard for your personal boundaries, as he relentlessly invades your personal space. This behaviour is fueled by an irrational need to possess you and control your life.

The various ways he can overstep his boundaries include deciding for you without your prior permission, invasive questioning, monitoring your activities, etc. This would no doubt make you feel resentful, uncomfortable and violated.


11.  Distrustful Of Your Male Friends

Due to a lack of confidence on his part, an obsessive boyfriend may develop a deep distrust for his male friends. This distrust is not one he merely keeps to himself, but he makes it obvious, which may prompt you to take precautions and walk on eggshells when the matter comes up.

The distrust is usually unwarranted and uncalled for when measured against the circumstances obtainable. It is rather borne from a deep-rooted fear of rivalry for your love and affection.

He is of the belief that your friendship with other men will pose a threat to your relationship. This can lead to problems in your relationship because there is so much strain and disconnect between you and your friends, and they tend to isolate you in your social circle to avoid trouble with your boyfriend.


12.  Frequent And Unsolicited Advice

An obsessive boyfriend may not always be aggressive but tilt more to the tactically controlling side. In this light, one of the signs of an obsessive boyfriend is manifested when he offers frequent and unsolicited advice to you.

An obsessive boyfriend may try to advise you on practically everything: what to wear, where to go, what to do, and what not to do, basically trying to coach you on how to run your life.

While his motives may seem harmless at first, it soon becomes evident that he is offering advice purely for selfish reasons. The advice he is giving you is simply the blueprint of how he’d want you to behave in order to allay his fears of losing you.

He might not even know what he is doing and think that he is offering guidance for your well-being and success, but underneath the facade is a need to control and manipulate your life motivated by a fear of losing you to someone better.


13.  Displays Of Extreme Possessiveness

There is no rest for the obsessive boyfriend until he lets all and sundry know about his claim over you. One of the signs of an obsessive boyfriend is that he displays signs of extreme possessiveness over you, especially in the presence of people he considers threats.

It’s as if the more he considers a person a threat to his position in your life, the more aggressive his display of possessiveness.

The purpose of such displays seems to be a need to assert control and ownership over you and to prevent others from coming too close to being of much importance to you.

This can restrict your relationship with other people as they might avoid you because of your boyfriend. Here, your freedom and independence are greatly compromised.


14.  Overreacting To Minor Issues

Obsession points to the likely existence of insecurity and instability in the life of the obsessed person. There is also a possibility of being emotionally volatile, and part of it is a constant overreaction to minor issues that can be easily overlooked.

One of the signs of an obsessive boyfriend manifests in the fact that they tend to blow little things out of proportion. This behaviour stems from a fear that any mishap or disagreement will destroy the relationship like a crumbling pack of cards, and so they try to snuff out every issue that arises.

Ironically, they think that making a case out of the fact that an issue arose will silence every conflict, while it actually raises more dust.

What rather results is an air of tension and strife. This causes them to be more frustrated when they see that their aim is not achieved.


15.  Threats And Ultimatums

Sometimes, insecure people are of the mindset that the only way they can get what they want is to take it by force. This is why their behaviour is consistently violent, aggressive, and oppressive. It doesn’t matter if they trample on the ones they claim to love as long as they get their wish.

One of such ways they can do this in a relationship is by resorting to threats and ultimatums. This is definitely one of the signs of an obsessive boyfriend.

The matter of threatening you and giving you ultimatums is just another way of forcing you to comply with their wishes.

Ironically, an obsessive boyfriend may try to use this method to gain your loyalty and even affection. Of course, it goes without saying that it does the exact opposite.

Threats and ultimatums inspire unhealthy fear, eliminate the possibility of mutual respect, and are a breeding ground for emotional detachment and isolation.


How Do You Know If Your Boyfriend Is Obsessed?

So, how do you know if your boyfriend is obsessed? Finding out if your boyfriend’s behaviour has transited from care and affection to obsession is not hard at all. With time, it becomes increasingly evident.

Make a personal assessment of whether your relationship is healthy and whether you feel valued and cherished by your partner. You only need to pay attention to the signs, and as they materialize before your eyes, you have your answer.

Ask the necessary questions and answer them with your observations. Does your partner’s actions constitute a disregard for your personality, privacy, and personal freedom? Does he insist on keeping you from other people, including family and friends? Are you growing in the relationship, or are you stagnating and declining?


Warning Signs Of Obsession

There are some signs of an obsessive boyfriend that are blatant red flags> These serve as warnings you should promptly respond to. This is because slacking on your part might cause you harm.

The warning signs of an obsessive boyfriend include violent threats, extreme possessiveness, extreme manipulation, abuse, and isolation from family and friends.

These are signs of obsession in a person that can ruin you physically and emotionally and undermine your security generally.


Is My Boyfriend Obsessed With Me Quiz?

Taking an “Is My Boyfriend Obsessed With Me?” quiz can help shed light on the intricacies of a relationship that are considered unhealthy and unbalanced.

These quizzes typically present scenarios and questions that assess the mutual trust, respect and nurturing in the relationship. It will also test for possessiveness, jealousy, control, and extreme sensitivity in a relationship.

These quizzes can offer some insight into what is going on in your relationship, and if the results confirm the fears and concerns you have about your boyfriend’s attitude, you may need to have a long talk with him. Share the thoughts you have concerning this issue with your boyfriend and see what he says.


Signs A Guy Is Obsessed With You In A Bad Way

Recognizing the signs that a guy is obsessed with you in a bad way requires that you pinpoint certain predominant factors in his behaviour.

You have to pinpoint the behaviours that indicate control, possessiveness, and disregard for personal space and privacy.

These signs could manifest as constant monitoring of your activities, isolation from family and friends, and manipulation.

An obsessive partner will try to make decisions for you, restrict your independence, and create an environment of fear or dependence.

Once you notice this behaviour, you either withdraw if you don’t have a close relationship with the guy or confront him if you have some form of relationship with him.

Remember that confrontation doesn’t have to be aggressive and that you can gently talk things out unless he is unwilling to do so.


Obsessive Boyfriend Meaning

An obsessive boyfriend refers to a person who has an unhealthy and often volatile fixation on their partner. This fixation manifests in behaviours like manipulation, possessiveness, jealousy, and excessive fear of abandonment and control.

These signs of obsession in a relationship particularly distinguish a person as a hazard to the general well-being of his partner.



Being in a relationship with an obsessed boyfriend is one of the hardest ways to be in a relationship. You are constantly exploited and manipulated and emotionally drained until you basically have nothing more to give.

In order to save you the hassle of being in this kind of relationship for too long, this article, ’15 Signs of an Obsessive Boyfriend,’ is targeted at revealing what the signs to look for are so that you can withdraw and protect yourself once you see them at play.

In case you want to work things out in the relationship instead of leaving outrightly, it is advised that you put some distance in every way between you and your obsessive boyfriend.

That way, you will be out of his reach, and he can’t manipulate you into changing your mind. If remedying the relationship doesn’t work on those grounds, then you can make the decision to move on.

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Author: Relationship Culture

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