How to handle the silent treatment is something everyone must know to foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships. First things first, what is the silent treatment?
Have you ever fallen out with your partner and watched them ignore you all day? Refuse to talk to you, take your calls, or reply to your texts? There. That’s what the silent treatment is.
The silent treatment is a way of expressing negative feelings like anger, resentment, disappointment, bitterness, et cetera. But, it’s ineffective. How do you intend to solve a problem when you’re not even willing to talk about it?
Communication is an integral part of any relationship, and it’s near impossible to not have disagreements. But, when these disagreements arise, what makes or mars a relationship is how they’re handled.
The best way to deal with conflicts is to be open and honest about your feelings. But, sometimes, resentment or anger can take root in one’s mind, and make them resort to the silent treatment.
You might also be wondering, why do guys give the silent treatment? The truth is: for some people, silent treatment is a way of avoiding owning up to their mistakes.
For some others, it’s due to an inability to express themselves effectively. However, regardless of whatever reasons anyone has to use the silent treatment, it’s an immature and rotten move.
Once, my ex refused to take my calls or speak to me for a week after we fought. Even when I went over to his house, he didn’t let me in. I felt stupid and hurt, and I think it’s the same way for anyone who’s ever been at the receiving end of the silent treatment.
To help you understand better how to deal with the cold side of people, this article is divided into segments:
- How to win the silent treatment.
- Why do guys give the silent treatment?
- How to win the narcissistic silent treatment.
- How to handle the silent treatment with dignity.
Read on!
How To Win The Silent Treatment
Here are 10 ways to win the silent treatment:
1. Never Make Assumptions
The only way you can know why someone gives you the silent treatment is to ask. Jumping into a conclusion will prevent you from seeing the situation from the other party’s perspective. What if you were at fault?
Aside from making you feel bad, some people resort to silent treatment to prevent an outburst of their emotions. Besides, not everyone can express themselves adequately.
The first step to winning the silent treatment is to understand that assumptions only worsen and will prolong matters that can be easily resolved.
2. Listen
One pointer to how to handle the silent treatment with dignity is to listen. Make the effort to reach out to the other party and let them express their grievances.
The silent treatment can trigger your anger, but keep calm. Also, don’t interrupt while the other party is speaking and try to see the situation from their perspective.
Shutting them out can make them feel like you’re being defensive, and if no one is willing to calm down and listen, there’s no chance that the problem at hand will be resolved.
3. Do Not Allow The Grudge To Get The Best Of You
The silent treatment should not be ignored but addressed. And how to win the silent treatment is to remember that you can’t win a fight by fighting back, especially with a loved one.
Read the room; know when and how to retreat. And let the past stay in the past; don’t hold grudges against them.
Don’t let a misunderstanding that can be solved ruin the wonderful relationship you’ve been building.
4. Stop The Blame Game
How to win the silent treatment is to take a step back and be ready to extend an olive branch, whatever the case may be.
We agreed earlier that the silent treatment is an immature move. So, what happens when your partner pulls it on you? Don’t retaliate the same way.
Take a step back. Don’t blame the other party for making you mad or treating you badly — this is not the time. Resolve the issue first before expressing your displeasure or disappointment.
5. Say NO To Emotional Abuse
Surprisingly, for some people, the silent treatment is a punishment! They use it to gain the upper hand and coerce you against your will to do what they want.
That is called the narcissistic silent treatment and it aims to make you believe you are at fault, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
This is why it’s crucial to know yourself and set standards before going into any relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship.
At the very beginning, let your partner or friends understand your stance. Let them know that the depth of your relationship does not mean that you’ll tolerate toxic behavior.
6. Seek Advice
As I said earlier, some people are not good at handling conflicts, so they build a wall around themselves and do not communicate.
If you’re with someone like this, in this case, how to beat the silent treatment is to encourage them to visit a therapist.
If it makes them feel better, they can speak to friends or family members they trust if they find it hard to communicate with you. It will hurt that they treat you that way, but don’t turn a blind eye and don’t harbor resentment against them.
7. Address The Situation Later
It’s not a pleasant feeling to be on the receiving end of the silent treatment but keep your cool. You might be bothered and wondering, “how long should the silent treatment last?” Well, sometimes, it pays to let the whole issue cool off.
Some people prefer to handle issues in the best of the moment because it can fade from their minds in the long run, and if it’s not addressed properly, it can culminate into resentment and affect the relationship later.
However, the best way is to wait until the tension has subsided and the other party is ready to talk about the situation. Then, assess the situation and find a solution.
To avoid a recurrence of that particular issue, encourage the individual to call your attention when you do things that rub off on them wrongly and not bottle up their emotions or stonewall you.
8. Learn To Let Go
If you want to learn how to win the silent treatment, you must be ready to let go. Even if you extend the olive branch every time, it might not work out with everyone.
So, sometimes you need to know when to respect yourself and leave some situations unattended — if you’ve tried every means possible to iron things out and it’s not working.
In the long run, they may realize their actions. And if they don’t, you don’t have to beat yourself up for it.
Looking the other way may be the best option, especially if you don’t have close ties with the person. At the end of the day, Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be.
9. Acknowledge Their Feelings
How to handle the silent treatment with dignity is to acknowledge the impact that your words or actions might have caused.
As humans, we’re all prone to mistakes, so don’t be blind to the possibility that you might be the cause of the problem.
So, own up to your actions sincerely. Be ready to turn a new leaf, too. Trust me, the silent treatment is nothing you want to go through again.
10. Call Their Attention To It
How to beat the narcissistic silent treatment is to, first off, let the other party understand that it’s an immature and toxic act.
Some people are used to having their way that they’d not hesitate to use the silent treatment to manipulate you into doing their bidding. Make them understand that it’s an unhealthy way to handle things.
Tell them how their lack of communication makes you feel, and make them understand that there are healthier ways to resolve problems. Encourage them to be vocal when things are not fine, instead of putting up bridges in communication.
Why Do Guys Give The Silent Treatment?
There are several reasons why your husband or partner may give you the silent treatment. Here are some of them:
1. He May Be Faced With Challenges That Are Beyond Him
He may be faced with challenges that are beyond him, and he might think opening up to you will make him appear weak and unstable.
Some men have a hard time expressing their emotions because they think it makes them appear vulnerable.
In this case, make your man understand that his feelings are valid and it’s okay to not feel good.
Also, reassure him that he doesn’t have to bottle up his feelings because you’re willing to listen to him whenever he needs to vent about anything.
By the way, understand that he needs space to cool off. Let him have time to himself and wait until he’s ready to talk to you.
2. Some Men Believe The Silent Treatment Will Help Them Establish Peace
Good intentions, but wrong action. Your responsibility is to let them know that there are better alternatives to sorting out problems in your relationship.
They might not realize how painful it is because they’re not on the receiving end, so it’s up to you to be vocal about your feelings.
3. Some Men Are Narcissists
You simply need to know when someone is manipulating and controlling you.
These types of men use the silent treatment as a form of mental torture where they make the other partner feel isolated and rejected.
They also gaslight and make you question your beliefs and decisions. This can affect your confidence and self-esteem, so learn how to beat the narcissistic silent treatment.
How To Win The Narcissist Silent Treatment
Before we delve into how to win the narcissistic silent treatment, how much history do you know?
Here’s a quick lesson: You must have heard of Adolf Hitler, a dictator and a ruler of the Nazi Party who initiated World War II. The word ‘narcissist’ was gotten from Nazi.
Narcissism is a medical condition that makes people have a heightened sense of importance and feel superior to other people. This causes them to inflict pain on others to get what they want.
Psychologists consider this an ineffective form of communicating one’s feelings as it’s a form of emotional abuse. Now, here’s how to handle the silent treatment when you’re dealing with narcissists.
1. Understand That, In This Case, Your Opinion Doesn’t Count
You can’t communicate how you feel because they don’t care about your feelings; all they care about is themselves. Trying to communicate will give them more leverage to blackmail you emotionally.
2. Ignore Them
Narcissists make use of silent treatment as a weapon, so ignoring them will make them feel powerless and release you from their mental grip.
3. Don’t Blame Yourself For Their Abusive Behavior
It’s not your fault that someone is toxic. The goal of the narcissist is to make you feel responsible for the conflict or quarrel — even when they’re the masterminds.
How To Handle The Silent Treatment With Dignity
It’s not a pleasant feeling to be on the receiving end of a silent treatment.
The frustration can make you take drastic actions that might cost you your relationship. That’s why it’s important to learn how to handle the silent treatment with dignity.
How can you deal with the cold side of your friend, sibling, partner, or coworker without going overboard or questioning your sanity? Here:
1. Respond Calmly
Respond calmly and try to see things from their viewpoint.
2. Set Your Boundaries
Set your boundaries and make them clear. From the start of the relationship, let the other party know what you can’t tolerate. If they go-ahead to do those things, you know it’s time to end that relationship.
3.Understand That No One Can Treat You Badly Without Your Consent
This means that it’s up to you to allow people to mistreat you or take a step back and leave abusive relationships.
4. If You Think Your Partner Has Had A Change Of Behavior, You May Give Them A Second Chance
But, make sure that they see a therapist and learn better ways of handling conflicts.
Also, make them understand that the silent treatment is emotional abuse and you’re not up for that. If they default again, walk away without looking back.
5. Surround Yourself With Positive People
The attitude of people you care about can harm your well-being. So, surround yourself with emotionally mature people.
6. Offer To Help
In the case where a person resorts to the silent treatment because they can’t express themselves well. You can advise the individual to seek counsel and suggest better ways of approaching unpleasant situations.
Final words:
In any relationship — with your family, with your colleagues at work, with your lover, with your friends, et cetera, misunderstandings are inevitable.
Knowing how to handle the silent treatment would help you manage these conflicts better and have healthier relationships.
If you follow all these tips and nothing seems to work, you should consider leaving that relationship. No one is more important than your mental health!
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