Dating is one aspect of human relationships that has evolved, and there are many schools of thought as to how one approaches dating.
For some, dating is a casual fling that anyone can call off at the slightest whim, while others think dating should be done purposefully.
If you belong to the latter group, this article is poised to give you pointers on how to date with purpose.
With these pointers, you are armed with the wisdom that will help you gravitate towards and stay with the right person instead of random dating, which seems to be the in-thing in pop culture.
But, before we dive right into it, let us look at what dating entails.
What Is Dating?
First off, we have to understand that dating means different things to different people.
The meaning changes significantly from generation to generation, culture to culture, and from religion to religion.
In the western world, dating is loosely defined and may not have to be very serious.
In some other places, dating is quite serious and always seen as a precursor to marriage. The rules there are a bit more stringent.
There are instructions on who or when to date and if sensual relations are permitted in the confines of the relationship.
But one common thing across cultures, religions, and age is that dating is a romantic relationship between two persons who are interested in ending up as partners.
Importance Of Dating
So, before we learn how to date, it is wise that we know why we should date.
What is the big deal about dating anyway? Are there things to benefit from it? Here are a few reasons why you should date.
1. Dating Can Develop You As An Individual
When you are dating someone, you are in a close relationship with the person. This person sees all there is to you-your strengths, your flaws.
If you are in a relationship with a mature person, they will not just praise your strength.
They will also point out that part of you that needs work. There are many sides (good or bad) to us that might be latent and can only be brought to light by forming relationships with other people.
We have indeed heard people who achieved incredible feats say they were motivated to try by a significant other who saw their potential and pushed them.
On the other hand, we have also heard people confirm that someone they dated or are dating helped them stop one bad habit or the other.
2. Dating Can Equip You For Marriage
For people who are interested in dating purposefully, this is quite important. Dating can help give you an insight into what to expect in marriage.
You can learn how to treat your spouse, how the opposite gender might behave in a given situation, and how to involve the other person in decision-making.
These are done during the dating period and can also be found in marriage.
3. Dating Is Fun
Every human being is created with a desire to connect to others, with the strong need to feel special.
Imagine having an exciting day at work and then coming home to tell that special person about it all. It sure gladdens the soul.
You must have been in a mall, restaurant, or beach and have seen people laughing timidly, stealing glances at each other, holding hands, and sometimes, even sharing a kiss.
At that moment, nothing else in the world matters, just the happiness this special someone brings.
The Ultimate Guide On How To Date With Purpose
Now that we know what dating is and how much one can gain while dating, let us proceed to the guide on dating.
How To Date For The First Time
Hurray! So, you finally got hooked, and you want to know how to go about it. Here are some of the things that you need to do.
These things are essential because they will help you build a strong relationship that will stand the test of time.
It is vital for a first-timer and everyone in a new relationship to spell out the details.
For example, what is the purpose of the relationship? Are we out for fun, or are we checking marital compatibility (that is if marriage is important to you)?
These need to be slept out so you don’t waste each other’s time or have expectations that will not come to fruition and only lead to heartbreak. It will also save you from rude surprises in the relationship.
2. Spend Time Together
The next thing you need to do when dating for the first time is to spend time together. This also applies to people who have dated before but are starting a new relationship with another person.
You will want to spend time with them because it solidifies the relationship. Distance sometimes does not make the heart grow fonder. Proximity does.
Do sleepovers. Plan dates. Go for vacation and concerts. See a football game, hang out in scenic spots. Try out new things together. Spending time together will also make you learn about the person you are dating. How do they view life?
What are their life goals? What do they even have in store for themselves and, by extension, you? How do they treat people?
Are they only kind and lovely to you and ruthless to everyone else? What are their sleeping habits? Their hygiene? Can you put up with them if you two eventually end up in marriage?
By spending time with them, you can discover red flags, flaws, and their strength of character.
You also make memories with this person when you spend time with them. People may change, people may live, but memories remain, and what is life if not a potpourri of memories?
3. Build Intimacy
Most times, people who are dating don’t just share their hearts; they also share their bodies. Some see it as a means of solidifying the relationship.
As you spend more time with your person, there is a tendency for one body to want another. This is quite normal.
You can show your affection by kissing, hugging, or cuddling. Before you two get to this stage, it is crucial you talk about two things- if you two will be sensually intimate and your views about displaying affections in public.
This will save you two headaches that plague modern relationships.
4. Spend Time With Other Friends
New relationships come with flurry feelings. You feel as though you always want to be with your date.
While this is okay, you have to service your other relationships too. There are friends and families you had before this person came along.
Attend to them also. Do not turn your back on them and stay only with your partner.
Again, it is also good to get the chance to be alone and do your own thing. Do it this way, and you both won’t wear each other out quickly.
How To Date A Friend
Pop culture has made it strange for people to date their friends, people they have grown up with and have spent a considerable number of years together. You hear some people say, “Oh, he is my best friend.
I can never see him in that light.” Then there is also the issue of the ‘friend zone.
But this is quite funny because it is even more reasonable and not to mention safer to date someone who you know in and out than hoping for an imaginary Prince charming that will sweep you up your feet.
Friendship will even make your relationship last longer. We know the heart wants who it wants and all but try considering your friends (first) when looking out for a romantic partner.
So, if you are among the very few who have found the ‘love-of-their-lives’ in close friends, here is how to date them.
1. Take It Slow
It can be a shocker of some sort when you realize that you are falling or have fallen for your close friend.
Even when you both make it official that you are dating, things might still be a bit awkward. The best thing to do is to take it slow. The move from friends to partners might take time to cement.
Make a conscious effort to make your partner know that their status has changed.
You can do this by kissing them on the lips or holding their hands. These gestures will make you both know that there is now more to the relationship.
2. Flirting Works
For you to date your friend, there must be something about them that is attractive to you.
Do not hesitate to tell them about it. In doing so, you are sowing seeds of interest and romance in the heart of the other person.
A light touch on the arm, holding her waist while kissing her, or rubbing his chest lightly while you two are together can act as catalysts to your chemistry. Nothing is hotter than knowing your partner is attracted to you.
3. Take Advantage Of What You Already Know About the Person
You two have probably known each other for years. And in those years, you must have known their likes or dislikes, how they want to be treated. Treat them that way.
Take her to her favorite ice cream shop. Buy game tickets and go with him to see his favorite team play. You cannot begin to imagine the bubbles these small gestures will stir up within your partner.
How To Date Smart
At one point or the other, we have heard stories about people who were used by people they were dating.
Also, there are news about the tragedies and abuse people endure in a relationship. All these news makes the whole picture scary for those who have genuine intentions.
But are we going to shy away from a chance at happiness, at love because of the rotten eggs? No. The best thing to do is to get smarter about it. Here are some tips on how to go about it.
1. Stick To What You Want
Nothing will leave you more satisfied than getting what you want. Every human is a unique individual.
We all have things that work for us. Do not be too quick to follow the crowd, as this might land you into a serious fix.
If you are a religious person and want to build a relationship with someone else who is also religious, why entertain non-religious people?
Keep your choices trimmed down to what you want so you don’t set yourself up for stress. Many people say things like, “I will change him/her”, but this change rarely happens.
This change is an exception, not the rule. If they are not the kind of person you want, don’t bother trying. No, you will not end up single. What you want will find you. Relax.
2. Don’t Ignore Red Flags
Some weeks ago, social media was agog with people posting what they think are red flags in a potential relationship. While most of them were humorous, some were worth paying attention to.
And this is one thing you need to do when you are in a relationship-pay attention. Is he dismissive of your suggestions? Red flag. Does she flirt freely with other guys? Red flag. How frugal or extravagant are they?
What do they spend their free time on? Who do they roll with? These are some of the things you need to open your eyes to when you are dating someone. Better to break up in one week than stay in a relationship for three years with one eye.
How To Date Online
It will be myopic if we fail to consider that a lot of relationships exist on social media. At least, some start there before moving to a physical one.
This has been made possible by the advent of Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp, Instagram, Twitter, and of course, online dating sites.
A relationship can start and even end on social media without both persons meeting each other. If this sort of thing works for you, then here are tips on making it worth your while.
1. Be Brave – And Creative
Many people have such huge personalities online that you almost find it difficult to approach them. Some of them are called influencers or social media celebrities.
You might be having a hard time approaching people in this category that you have the hots for.
This is where you need to be brave. You have to be courageous enough to shoot your shot. In situations like this, always ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen?” And here are the answers: You get snubbed (and you move on, it is not a do or die affair).
They ridicule you on their wall or page (you know that you just avoided a landmine).
Instead of thinking of the worst that could happen, think of the best things that could happen. What if your shot hits the target? Take the bold step.
Now that you are ready to take the bold step, please be creative about it. There are ways to get someone’s attention online. Drop creative comments on their posts.
Constant engagement on their wall will draw their attention to you so that it won’t be so strange when you eventually slide into their DMs. That creativity shouldn’t abandon you when you send them a private message.
Many guys must have told the lady that she is pretty, so saying the same thing won’t make you stand out. And getting ‘hello, good morning’ every day, even from a gorgeous lady, will bore any guy out of his mind.
2. Come Out From Behind The Screen
Chatting is fun. Exchanging pictures on social media is cool.
Voice calls are okay, video calls are even better, but nothing beats stepping out from behind screens to meet someone.
If you two are live close, it is better to meet up after a few days of chatting. You get to see their mannerism, their gestures. You get to know if this person who types ‘LOL’ at your jokes actually finds them funny.
Again, you get to see if this person looks like they appear on social media. You don’t need to be told that physical attraction is a thing.
4. Read Their Updates
So, there is this person you are attracted to or have started dating online. You will do well to follow them on social media so you can see their updates.
No, this is not stalking. You kind of want to know the mindset of the person you are with.
The mentality of a person influences what they posts. What is their take on the politics of the country and their view on social issues? How do they reply to people who have different opinions?
Engage them in a mature, open-minded manner or attack them with invective’s? There is a high chance that you’d also get what they dish out online in your relationship.
5. Talk And Keep In Touch
Don’t just go mute after the first date, that is, if you are interested. No one has to be the one who always initiates conversations. Any of you can.
In your discussions, it is necessary to talk about some things. Are you two going to update your relationship status online? Would you two like the world to see that you are an item?
Do you want something more private? Also, make sure you two discuss the mods operand of the relationship and where it is headed.
How To Date A Girl
Guys and ladies are biologically designed differently and are also wired differently and, as such, behave differently even under the same condition.
While each lady is unique, there are some common things you should know about dating them.
1. Be Bold
Whether you are still trying to woo her or have succeeded in making her say yes to you, it is essential to show her that you are confident and can take the initiative.
Be firm in your belief—project confidence, not pride. Confidence is a desirable trait. No one wants someone who chickens out easily.
2. You Should Always Give Her Your Attention
Nothing puts off a lady than a guy who ignores her. She wants to know that she is important to you.
Make time for her. It is almost taboo to go a whole day without talking to her.
You can speak to her before going to work and before going to bed. Create time to see her on weekends at least, if it is possible. Respect and value her opinion.
Consider and discuss it with her instead of being dismissive. Finally, show her off and introduce her to your friends and family members. This gives her a sense of belonging.
How To Date A Guy
1. Be Warm
If you are out on a date with a guy and want whatever is blossoming to continue, you have to be warm.
Being serious or cold on the first date is a bummer and would discourage a guy from reaching out again.
2. Do Not Belittle Him
You do not have any business dating a guy if you can belittle him. Guys cherish their egos and would not want anything that would crush it.
One of the ways you can hurt a man’s ego is always talking about how good another man (your ex) is. We know Vin was a great boyfriend, but can you tone it down, please?
3. Offer To Do Some Of The Things He Enjoys With Him
It could be seeing a game, seeing movies, gaming, or playing cards.
Whatever it is, make out time to do it with him once in a while. This will show that you are interested in him and all that concerns him.
4. Talk With Him About His Business/Work
Guys are practical people. If you are with him, then you have to show work.
Talk about his work or business with him. Ask questions about his role at work and anything you do not understand.
Give him suggestions on what you think will work for him. This will most likely cement your place in his life. When you show your value, he most likely will not joke with you.
Now that you are done reading the ultimate guide on how to date with purpose, which tips have you been practicing before? Do well to consolidate them.
Are there ones you would like to start doing? Feel free to share in the comment section. And remember, our list is not exhaustive, but we are pretty sure they cover a lot. Best of luck in your relationships!
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