10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse

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Things you should never say to your significant other

Newlyweds and seasoned couples will confirm this fact, words are heavy weapons of mass destruction, literally. A wise person once said that humans can create and destroy with utterances, and this has never been truer when you consider the number of relationships that have been affected by hurtful words.

Hurtful words in a relationship or hurtful words in a marriage are quite common among romantic partners today. It is not that they have lost the love they have for each other, but they lack the self-control to restrict themselves from uttering some particular words.

Be that as it is, you just be deliberate about not wanting to undermine your spouse, especially with what you say. Whatever you would like to hear spoken to yourself is what you must tell others.

If you are in a relationship, there are several things you should never say to your spouse. Although there are plausible reasons why nasty words come from us – pressure from work, bad impressions, jealousy, envy, etc – we must be prepared to deal with our feelings so that they do not spill our partners.

Words are like spilled milk, especially ones said in anger and once the damage is done, it is nearly irreversible. This is why you must be conscious of the things you should never say to your significant other.

In this article, we will be making this process easy for you no revealing 10 things you should never say to your spouse. These words or phrases are hurtful, insensitive, and demeaning and can lead to long-held grudges and bruised feelings if uttered.

Read on to learn about these things you should never say to your spouse in any condition or circumstances.

Saying hurtful things to someone you love

Things You Should Never Say To Your Spouse


1.   I Wish I Never Met You

Anger, frustration, mood swings, and poor health conditions can push us to say some hurtful things that we might later come to regret. One such phrase is ‘I wish I never met you.

Imagine you’ve been married for four or five years and have two beautiful kids together. On a weekend, your husband goes out with his friends, stays out late, and eventually shows up in the dead of night reeking of alcohol. I am sure as a wife this would be annoying.

Let’s change the context at this point. Imagine your wife takes your credit card without your knowledge, goes shopping for the kids, branches over at the spa to fix herself up, and then returns your card to you with a smug smile.

The two situations above are both likely to lead to arguments. Imagine words flying around and amid the mayhem, one party utters the phrase ‘I wish I never met you.’ How do you think the other party would feel? No doubt, shocked. They might even start to doubt the love you express towards them.

As a man or woman, learning to tolerate or consider your partner’s interest at all time is best to avoid wound up emotions that may affect the bond in your relationship


2.   You Are Not My Parent

This as a statement is derogatory, it depletes self-esteem and respect in marriage, especially if your spouse is acting out of goodwill. Take men, for example, they feel a sense of responsibility as the breadwinners.

They feel like the stronghold of the family; they want to be let in on everything and just want to take charge. They want to be problem solvers most of the time, and this may cause some women to misunderstand their actions as being overprotective or nosy.

If you are getting frustrated by your man’s seeming overprotection, you should let him know so you can come to a mutual understanding with them rather than compare them to your parents.

Saying hurtful things to someone you love will likely hurt their ego and cause them to withdraw for a while, so endeavor to avoid this at all cost.


3.   Shut Up

One of the things you should never say to your spouse is ‘shut up.’ “‘Shut up’ tends to spill out in the middle of a fight or when a partner is upset or annoyed,” says relationship expert, Lori Bizzoco. The phrase ‘shut up’ can be said in many forms; ‘keep shut, keep quiet, quiet down and so on and these differences in use bring about the same effect on people.

If you need some space or quietness, you can pass your needs across in a less critical manner – ‘can you please quiet down’ or ‘can I please have some decorum’. Using the ‘shut up’ phrase appears rude and bossy and will never help a relationship achieve peace.


4.   You Always…Or You Never…

‘You never take me out on Saturdays anymore’ or ‘ You always visit your mum when you should be at home with me’. These are statements that most of the time are just lies said during angry moments or frustration; they are also things you should never say to your spouse.

“Absolutes should never be said to your partner,” says pre-marital counselor and wedding officiant, Hope Mirlis. Instead of these arrogant words, you could opt for more appealing choices like ‘You’ve not spent some nights with me this week’ or ‘We’ve not spent any Saturday together this month.’ These will pass your message across and still keep your partner’s mood intact.


5.   You Are A Failure

One of the things a husband should never say to his wife or vice versa is calling them a failure. Unfortunately, this is common in many relationships.

Nobody likes to be called a failure or a nobody. Nobody likes to be called out on their bad side, especially when they are striving and working on making something better. Being a failure doesn’t necessarily mean being broke or jobless.

You might call someone a failure at being a man. A father could be busy at work all day and forget his daughter’s dance recital. This might drive the woman crazy and in her moment of anger, she could go-ahead to call him ‘a failure at fathering a child’

A relationship expert, Audrey Hope says “Hearing these words is like branding failure into your soul, you can’t take them back, even if they were uttered in anger and rage. They will linger and become a self-fulfilling prophesy”.

No matter how angry you are, do not adopt this approach in expressing your reservations. Instead, learn to be understanding and tolerant of your partner and speak to them with love and affection.


6.   You Are Useless

Hurtful words in a relationship

Imagine a wife prepares breakfast and it turns out bad, perhaps due to carelessness or lack of attention. A man red hot with anger could impulsively lash out, ‘O my God, Mary! You are absolutely useless’

This statement will most likely spark a reaction from the woman and depending on what kind of woman she is, she can either apologize, shout back in response or maybe even tear up. This is why one of the things you should never say to your spouse is abusive words.

Abusive words in general are considered rude and shouldn’t be used on your partner as this will make them feel inferior and bad about themselves. Gently telling them where they are going wrong goes a long way in providing a long-lasting relationship as people are born and brought up differently.

For you to live as one, you must learn to adapt to each other. Instead of correcting with abusive words, do it with love. Women are emotional beings who like to be pampered and spoiled by their men. Angry words of abuse or derogatory statements will certainly ruin your connection as husband and wife.


7.   I Wish I Was Still With…

Bringing up past lovers, especially the ones your partner knows about, is a big relationship killer. Comparing your partner to your ex leads to total distrust from your partner and will make them feel not enough.

You will lead your partner to believe perhaps you’ll one day stop loving them and probably go for someone else and this might raise a sense of self-defense for them. Eventually, they will start to get suspicious of your every move and start to distrust you.

Bringing up past lovers is absolutely the worst thing you can do to irk your partner and it might bring about a drastic reaction, one even you would never have imagined.

Even if these remarks were just made in moments of anger, it is almost irreparable as your partner will always seem to believe they can never be better or satisfying than your previous lovers. It might not even seem like a past relationship to them anymore and questions like ‘Is she still seeing him?’ or ‘does he still keep contact with her?’ will start popping up their mind.


8.   I  Don’t Care

This statement is one of the things you should never say to your spouse because it sparks a feeling of abandonment. People enter into relationships and marriages to care for and mutually understand one another.

But the moment the expression ‘I don’t care’ starts to be uttered, then the relationship might be heading to a point of no return. Even when you don’t care about what your partner is saying or doing, don’t let it show but try as much as possible not to pretend as pretense is not a true feeling.

Let them know you care but you are just not ready for it. “Honey I’m so tired, can we talk about this in the morning’ is a wonderful way to alert your partner that you are not in the right mental or physical position to engage them at that moment rather than shun them rudely.


9.   Mr./Mrs. X Doesn’t Go Through This Much Stress

Any form of comparison in your relationship must be stopped. Comparing your partner with someone else’s isn’t a nice thing to do as it makes them feel worthless or useless, and if you are characterized by that, then you must recognize that it is one of the things you must never say to your spouse.

When you do that over and over again, your partner starts to get more and more angry and irritable and might even stop doing things they do quite well initially. One person’s strength is someone else’s weakness, that’s what makes us human; that’s what differentiates us from mindless machines.

Take note of your partner’s efforts and openly commend them and appreciate their contributions. Understand that no one is perfect. Even the people you are comparing your partner with might be way worse in other areas. So, focus on your partner’s strengths and praise them always.

Better still, you can ask your partner to be better in those areas you see they are doing poorly in a gentle, compassionate, and honest manner and they’ll surely learn to adapt to your request.


10.   I Want A Divorce

Hurtful words in marriage

“Once you throw out the ‘D’ word, especially in anger, it’s like a bell has been rung and you can’t unring it”, says relationship expert and advice columnist, April Masini.

The word divorce is the last line in relationships and should be used carefully, even when you don’t mean it. It’s like a metallic hammer striking at your partner’s heart, giving them an icing pain. The things you should never say to your partner are as such not complete if the mention is not made about this particular point.

Even when you want a divorce, don’t rush to say or let it show. Wait it out, consider the love you share, all the times you’ve spent together, and the kids you have together. However, this does not mean you should stay in a loveless or abusive relationship because you are trying to save face.

The feeling of wanting a divorce during a moment of intense argument might be due to anger or irritation. So instead of shouting it out immediately, wait it out till you’re cool-headed and see if it’s really what you want.


Marriage is a blissful Union ordained and recognized since time immemorial and should be cherished by all. The main soul of marriage is tolerance; take that away and you’re just another two people living under the same roof.

If you are married to the one you love and care about, do your best to avoid saying any of these hurtful words mentioned above to your partner.


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Things a husband should never say to his wife

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Author: Relationship Culture

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