There is no gainsaying that humans cannot do life alone. The need to connect is innate in humans. And that is why we gravitate towards our kind of people and become friends with them.
Making friends is an art. Some people do it seamlessly, while it can be a chore for others. It is even worse if they are trying to land a friend of the opposite gender.
Perhaps you are in the latter group, and you have wondered how other ladies manage to be friends with guys. This article is for you, and we will be exploring how to be friends with a guy.
Learning how to be friends with a guy as a female is essential because friendship with the opposite gender is often different from friendship with your fellow ladies. However, some DOs and DONTs are necessary to keep in mind. Here are some of them.
1. Identify Common Interest And Passion
Friendship does not occur in a vacuum. There is usually something that binds friends together.
It could be that they share the same ideology, love the same kind of music, have the same religious belief, or attend the same school.
Take a look at some of the friends you have had in times past. A critical look will show that common interest or passion is fueling the friendship.
So, if there is this guy you want to be friends with, the first thing you need to do is find common ground.
What are those things you both like? Football? Literature? Movies? Tech? Drama? You can take advantage of the shared interest and slide into his life.
Say you both are in the same literature class, you can take the initiative, introduce yourself, and compliment him on the answer he gave in class. This will catch his attention, and who knows? A great friendship can spring from such a simple gesture.
2. Set Boundaries
It is not unheard of that a fine and blossoming friendship suddenly disbanded due to boundary issues. Someone has crossed a line, and that has made the friendship awkward.
To avoid this, you must establish clear physical limits when dealing with your male friends.
Embracing and other modest expressions of affection are relatively benign, but sleeping in the same bed sends conflicting signals.
If you know you want the friendship to be platonic, you might like to cancel being with him in a room or house all alone. This is because hormones can be tricky sometimes. You think you are in control, and the next minute you are doing what you’d regret.
It’s a good idea to sit down with your friend and set clear limits for the two of you to follow to keep your friendship healthy and drama-free.
Have an open and honest dialogue with your friend about your feelings and views. Tell him point-blank that you want to be friends and nothing more.
3. Keep The Affection In Check
It is not always simple for men and women to be friends. Men sometimes take a lady’s friendliness as ‘greenlight’- a sign that such woman is interested in them romantically, and when they act on this ‘greenlight’, they discover that they are wrong.
To avoid this, it is crucial to spell out what you want-a a platonic friendship. Again, it would be best to mind what you say or do when you are with him.
Showing affection via kissing or pecking, hugging prolonged periods, leaning on him, or sitting on his lap should be reserved for your partner. This is vital if you are interested in how to be friends with a guy without flirting.
4. Don’t Send Mixed Signals
Another thing you need to know on how to be friends with a guy is that men can misread signals. It is vital to avoid acts that send mixed signals. Do not give the guy ideas.
There is absolutely no reason to keep calling a guy you just want to be friends with certain endearing names like my love, darling, sweetheart, baby.
Women often use these terms with their fellow women, but it is a no for a guy you want to be just friends with. Use their first whenever you are talking to them. Endearing names might seem like you want them.
You need to understand this if you want to know how to be friends with a guy without leading him on.
Long phone calls and late-night texts may appear entertaining, but they should be avoided as much as possible. Don’t speak to the guy too often or every night.
There’s a significant likelihood that all of the extended discussions will morph into amorous exchanges or declarations of love.
Do not be too touchy. Some people naturally have it as a habit. They touch people while they are speaking with them, especially if they consider the person a friend.
Physical touch is one of the love languages, and if you keep speaking this language albeit unknowingly, the chances are that you are leading someone on without knowing. So keep those fine hands to yourself, sis.
5. Don’t Indulge In Sensual Activities
Romance or sensuality will almost always complicate platonic friendships.
If you genuinely want to stay friends with a guy, you have to avoid sensual activities, such as a peck, cuddle, or kiss. It is one thing to give a friendly shove or a high five.
But it is a different ball game when sensual activities enter the mix. You definitely would not want to deal with the question, ‘what are we now?’ when you are done.
6. Reject His Proposal Maturely
So, you have kept all the rules above, and yet Mr. Guy suddenly wants more. What do you do at this point? Talk to him about why you don’t see you both together while emphasizing how much you value the friendship you share.
You could put it in a carefully worded way like, “I adore our friendship, but that is all it is to me. I don’t want to lose it, but I understand if you think we shouldn’t hang out for a while.”
Then show him that you respect him by acting pleasant, not flirty. Finally, tell him straight that you’re simply pals in your head.
7. Don’t Do Friends With Benefits
One thing to note on how to be friends with a guy without falling for him is that friends with benefits can never work.
It will end with someone eventually catching feelings, and you do not want that. So if something happens and you find that he is making advances at you, nip it at the bud immediately.
8. Be Intentional About Your Friendship With Him
Sometimes the friendship becomes so good that you get carried away but always remind yourself why you chose friendship as the best zone for you both. Keep that reminder in your heart all the time, and you won’t have any reason to backslide.
Remind yourself why you think it’s preferable to be friends with your male friend every time you spend some time with him. Shut down anyone who suggests that you two are an item.
People can feed others ideas if he keeps hearing people call you two a couple, even if jokingly, ideas can form in his head. But if you quickly refute the teasings- gently, of course, he will know that he has no chance.
8. Please Don’t Play The Role Of A Girlfriend In His Life
No, you are not his girlfriend. Do not act like one. This is perhaps one of the most crucial pieces of advice you should embrace. Some roles are the prerogative of romantic partners.
Some of these roles include 100% attention, detailed talk about your day and what you want to do, everyday texts and calls, and constant going out on dates. As someone who just wants to be friends, these activities should be done sparingly.
It would be best to refrain from always cooking for him and cleaning the house whenever you visit. It feels like you are trying to be part of his life and make him part of yours.
9. Don’t Get Involved In Their Love Life
In your quest to learn how to be friends with a guy, avoid interfering in their love lives. Except when he mentions it, please do not ask about his romantic partner.
Let us say he thinks your friendship is deep enough to share his relationship issues; try not to say something hurtful about his romantic partner. Instead, have an opinion, one free of emotional prejudices, but let it just be that.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How To Make Male Friends As A Female?
Are you looking to be friends with a guy? One of the ways to do it is to be approachable and friendly. People tend to gravitate towards someone who feels like sunshine.
Being too stuck up will be counterproductive. The next thing to do is find a common base for you two. You can join his gym or swimming class.
There is a high chance that one will bond with those they do extracurricular activities with. Nex, find avenues to spend time and talk with him.
Nothing grows a friendship as much as time and conversations. Finally, be true to yourself. Show him the real you, show everyone the real you, so you know that whoever is friends with you isn’t there because of some false persona.
2. How To Be Friends With A Guy Over Text
Ever since the inception of the internet, and most importantly, social media, a lot has changed with the way people engage with each other and how people become friends.
Stories abound of people who have forged great friendships just by texting on social media. You can utilize the power of social media and become cool friends with that guy.
One good thing about doing this over text is that you two are not seeing each other, so it is easier for those who might be shy to do a face-to-face approach. Here are some tips to follow.
Read his social media posts. Frequently, we get to know the kind of person someone is by reading what they put out on social media. Do your research.
Let us assume Mr. Guy talks about movies or books a lot, and you are interested in those; you could send him a private message about the social media post they made.
Depending on your point of view, you can either agree or disagree with him. This will spark a conversation that has a huge potential of growing into a great friendship.
3. How To Be Friends With A Guy You Love
So, there is this guy that you think you love, but due to some reasons (maybe the guy is in a relationship) you two cannot have a thing. Or perhaps you have observed that the guy is not into you, but you still want to be friends. What do you do?
The first thing to note is that this is a difficult situation to be in, and there is no easy way to navigate it.
Your emotions might be difficult to conceal, and you might even feel a little bit jealous if you see him getting cozy with other ladies.
If you are in such a situation, you need to accept it and make peace with it. Then you need to be honest and tell him what you feel. How they will react is up to them, but you have freed up yourself a little on your part.
Things might get awkward a bit, but everyone will at least know where they stand.
4. How To Be Friends With A Guy Without Falling For Him
If you want to be friends with a guy without falling for him, the first thing to do is define your friendship with him.
Tell him what you want- a platonic friendship. Go out with other guys and also be friends with them.
This will take away your attention from him. Stay away from anything that could be construed as flirting.
No lingering touches, no snide remarks. If it is possible, do not hang out with him alone. This will reduce any romantic or sensual tensions that may likely build up.
Can members of the opposite sex have tremendous and fulfilling friendships without the baggage of feelings? Yes. Men and women can be just friends. But a lot of intentional work has to go into it to avoid the situation slipping out of hand.
Save this for later!